I scream at my kids… and I’m NOT PROUD OF IT
Does anyone have a solution to my problem, if you do, I beg of you to share your words of wisdom with me because right now, I feel like a wretched human being- undeserving of love.
Okay, I’m laying it on a just a bit thick but this morning, like every other morning since I’ve had kids, I’m rushing… to get them to eat their breakfast, pack their lunches, apply their sunscreen, brush their teeth, dress them, take the dogs out, feed the dogs, etc…and, like many other moms I’m flying solo. I am outnumbered two to one- any of you out there that have more than two kids- bless your souls- how you do it is truly a miracle-if I had more than two I think I would resemble that cat lady in the Simpsons (I LOVE that show!) that walks around in torn clothing, covered in cats- disheveled and pretty much whacked out of her mind-muttering and screaming…but I digress.
And so I’m trying to get all of this done in about an hour- impossible, and I calmly tell my eight-year-old, “We’re in a rush- please help Mommy, ” to which in his eight-year-old snotty way- he says, “No, why do I have to do everything-(don’t you just love when they say that- yes the weight of the world is on their shoulders- I should give him his backpack and drop him off at the closest bus stop-I’m just kidding!)
So I trudge along- we finally get in the car and arrive at our first stop-but we have to cross an incredibly busy intersection- and I tell him to hold my hand…of course he doesn’t. We manage to cross the street. While I’m holding his hand my son, who is desperately trying to wriggle out of my arms, just takes off when we get to the sidewalk and well, for some reason that was my breaking point. And I just lost it and I yelled (in front of a bunch of adults -might I add)at her- you know in that guttural, voice that is deep inside of us- that sounds slightly devilish- and as it’s emanating from our lips, frightens even us- and we are actually taken aback by the fact that we possess such a demonic sound..
And, so I screamed-”Stop running ahead of me, you better slow down NOW, or I will punish you so fast!!!!!” a bunch of other parents, bus drivers, kids- turned our way and darted me disapproving stares, one man even told me –”take it easy lady- lighten up!-and I actually wanted to punch him in the face, but don’t worry I restrained myself.
In any case- as soon as I yelled- and I saw my son kind of sink inside himself, his cheeks turning chalk white, and his lower lip slightly quivering- I felt shamed, and oh so guilty…
Now that I’ve unburdened myself, I feel so much better-thanks for listening/reading But as parents, is it possible to constantly exercise restraint when our kids literally push us to our breaking points- I mean- we’re only human- right?