Apparently sex and intimacy are key to a rock solid relationship (or so we've ALL been told). Problem: You are in a major love slump. No, not the usual wish-you-were-in-a-relationship kind of slump– you finally got that covered when you met your betrothed. There's just one problem: You're not having sex. Of course this is not for lack of trying on your partner's part. He's done everything short of standing on his head to jump start your sex drive, but you just can't seem to get aroused and you're starting to panic. What to do?!
Let's face it- we've all been there, or are currently there. And in my case having an 11- year old in my bed every night doesn't quite set the stage for rip your clothes off kind of sex. And while I'm usually a roll over and kind of take one for the team kind of wife, lately I've been either too exhausted or unable to get rid of that third little person in my marital bed to make things happen ( or at least help them get started!)
According to Dr. Matthew Edlund, author of The Power of Rest: Why Sleep Alone is not Enough, the best way to reaffirm and re-energize your libido is to involve fantasy and a sense of extended connectedness. With any luck, notes Dr. Edlund, you can do more than make love; you'll feel loved, wanted, cared for and desired. Dr. Edlund offers these 10 tips to reclaim your sex drive:
#1 Lie face-to-face in bed together and talk about the moment you first met.
Relationships change people, and are often what people look to most fondly in their memories, which in the end is all they have. When you fall in love with someone it's often one of the greatest experiences you have, with an intensity and flavor like no other.
#2 Imagine what that person first looked like at first glance.
When you recall that, it allows you to reconnect again to what are often wonderful feelings, and to reconnect those feelings for your partner as well.
#3 Remember that person's first comment to you.
Going through what happened the first time often brings up memories of many other good times, of the connections made and shared.
#4 Remember your first sexual experience with that person.
The deep bonding that people develop is physical, involving changes in oxytocin and other hormones; recalling your first sexual encounter with this person can help to stir up those chemicals.
#5 Recall your first kiss with that person.
Kissing is an essential part of the lovemaking experience. It's the gateway to exploring and igniting the senses. Recalling your first deep, passionate kiss can help reawaken that sense of arousal it initially stirred within you. Of course practicing that art of kissing, can't hurt.
# 6 Remember your best time together and tell your partner about that time.
The deep bonding that people develop is, social, including the different people one meets as a couple, psychological, as you learn about someone else and begin to think as a pair rather than an individual.
#7 Touch each other.
All those memories and factors can be brought back by describing the first time, the awkwardness, the shyness, the avidity and the simple fun of it all.
#8 Tell a story about yourself that makes you laugh.
Laughter helps you to relax and be exposed.
#9 Talk about what you really love about the other person no matter how small or unimportant.
It makes one feel important and real which is a wonderful confidence booster all of which can lead to some major nooky.
#10 Forget about where you are and focus only on your partner.
Feel them, their skin, hair, drink in their essence. As you relax fantasize about what you would really like to do with them and then allow yourself to do it.
So readers.. got any to add?!