So here I am in the rolling Hocking Hills ( that’s just on the outskirts of the Appalachia, nestled in Ohio, cue the banjo) where toothless men- dying to meet a real New Yawker like me- proudly display their stuffed birds mounted to a piece of wood and graciously fete me with compliments like; “You know you look just like Ellen Degeneres.”
My favorite girl Lady and the blog and I are drinking in the mom and pop, salt o’ the earth small business owners- like Pa Kettle who’s been working in his family’s apple farm for over 100 years, and the temperamental artist who not only helped me heat up glass to fashion my very own singular bead (cuz really those beads I can get at the dollar store imporetd from China – just won’t do!) And I am feeling a sense of calm, the kind that comes from not having to look at a dishwasher for a solid 48 hours and has me waxing poeticaly about my desire to open up an inn and maybe begin to make my own soap. And in the middle of this newly found love fest I am experiencing with the Ohio folk and gorging on oodles of hot potato and blue cheese chips-my husband is having a difficult time holding down the home front.
Forget the fact that the rolling Hocking Hills are so tucked away, that there are virtually no cell-towers and therefore you simply can’t get a signal- and being that my old man doesn’t subscribe to texts or emails– when I finally do get a signal and call home I am deluged with PROBLEMS. No, the house didn’t burn down, and there were no trips to the ER , rather the most pressing issues of the day while at school my daughter lost her 10th book of the academic season and misplaced $40…( cue the da da dum).
#1 Way to piss off your wife. Husbands who can’t manage crises on their own. Listen buddy, which is how I referred to my husband in the middle of dropping calls… you’re going to have to figure out this stuff on your own because being in Ohio my hands are kind of tied.
#2 Way to piss off your wife. Husbands who say that can’t “find:” the PTA mother’s home number. After living on this planet for 52-years if you can’t master the fie art of looking for a number via the white pages then you’re just going to have to get yourself on the blower and call 411.
#3 Way to piss off your wife. Husbands who cop an attitude when they ask you why you took a trip. Do I really even need to go there…