Of course when we first met, our sex life while not video-tape worthy (I still don’t know how ANYONE could stand watching themselves and their partner getting it on- all the grunting and facial contortions can’t be much of a turn on during playback-right?!) had sizzle. We experimented; we had that sense of wanting to explore every erotic dimension of one another. 16 years later if we can get in a quickie between the tail end of one Netflix series binge watch and before the opening credits for the next one we’re good to go. So as we head into our 16th year of marriage- I am thinking it might be time to switch up our sex life. I want to introduce that joie de vivre anything goes excitement we generated in bed when we met years ago and the freshness of it all was so titillating we needed to drink one another in at all costs– be it on a ratty old sofa bed or on a beach (don’t attempt this unless you want sand in every orifice of your body). If you too are ready to revamp your so-so sex life keep reading for three ways you can put the juice back in your not so juicy sex life .
#1 Own your sexual pleasure It’s common for moms to put sexuality on the back burner with all the body changes and responsibilities involved with pregnancy and motherhood, and it’s also common to feel some pressure to “get back in the saddle” for their husbands’ sake, notes Carol Queen Ph.D author of Exhibitionism for the Shy and Staff Sexologist at goodvibes.com a San Francisco retailer which provides a safe and welcoming environment where customers can shop for sex toys, books, movies, and attend workshops . But Dr. Queen says women need to resolve to think of this also as being for their own sake — sexual pleasure isn’t just for their husband (if that were the case, all you’d need might be a how-to book or a video about fellatio. Not that this can’t be fun for the ladies too; it certainly can). Bottom line: You may need to get to know your body and responses all over again — this is natural and pretty common, and it’s well worth taking the time solo and with your partner to find out whether your arousal cycle has changed, and how. If you need some back-up in assessing and respecting your own desires, Dr. Queen recommends the new book What You Really Really Want, which comes with week-by-week exercises perfect for a self-nurturing and -improvement campaign. This is a great support for partner communication, too.
#2 Resolve to share sexual initiation opportunities with your partner If you’d like to be a bit more adventurous but doing so leaves you feeling a little shy, 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex is a fantastic back-up, notes Dr. Queen. You don’t have to come up with a creative new idea every week, because the book does it for you, with sealed-together pages that you open when you’re ready to read about each new position, adventure or fantasy. It even comes with a shopping list for each event, if it includes things you might not already have around the house! Other helpers include Susie Bright’s lovely I Dare You cards and 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights game.
#3 Remember you can feel sexy at any time (which will make you more likely to want to have sex) In her book Exhibitionism for the Shy Dr. Queen offers this one piece of advice; you can feel sexy at any size at any time of your life if you can find erotic things to wear. Resolve to accessorize in a way that pleases YOU — whether it’s a fetish-y garment that makes you feel a little dominant, or a sweeping, silky robe, or just pretty new underthings that really fit you right, getting dressed up a little for sex helps you get in the mood. If you don’t have time to try on outfits, you can just put on some sexy shoes and bling up a little with rhinestone pasties or Flamboyant Body Decoration. Leave the lights on bright enough that you can see yourself sparkle!