5 Lies Introverts Tell –by Dr. Barbara Greenberg
Maybe you are an introvert. Or maybe your best friend is. I am quite sure that you know many introverted people. This is all about how a person gets energized.
Extroverts prefer socializing frequently with lots of people, while introverts prefer spending their time with small groups for shorter periods. Introverts get their batteries recharged by spending time alone. Extroverts seem to derive significantly more pleasure from spending time with others. They appear to need less recovery time after socializing.
As we all know, it is not easy to be an introvert in a society where extroversion is so highly valued. As a result, introverts need to adapt. They have to ensure that they allot enough recovery time post-socializing. And, they need to understand themselves and permit themselves to turn down social events that will be emotionally overwhelming. It is not that easy to turn down social invitations.
As a result, many introverts create excuses for why they will not be joining you for all sorts of get-togethers. Hence, I will tell you about five common lies introverts tell. Trust me when I tell you that the introvert that you know means no harm.
She just can't tolerate too much social time. My goal is to help you understand that she may lie to protect herself. She just can't bring herself to tell you that she can't attend because it is too taxing for her. She feels too uncomfortable saying that. And, she is concerned that you will try to talk her into coming if she doesn't have a good enough reason not to attend.
So, here is what an introvert may say when you extend a social invitation that exceeds her social and emotional bandwidth.
5 Lies Introverts Tell
- “I will try to come.” The important word here is, of course, try. The introvert has no intention to come or to try to come. She can't bring herself to tell you that she will not be attending. She would rather do something else with her time.
- “I'm not feeling that great.” Maybe, she isn't feeling well, but it is more likely that the idea of socializing is making her a little queasy. In any event, try to respect what she is saying.
- “I think that I may have something else to attend to.” Insert any competing demand into this sentence, including any tasks or work demands that need to be completed. It is much more likely that the competing activity is actually spending time alone with a good book or just relaxing alone or with one other person.
- “I don't really know anyone there that well.” Maybe. What the introvert is really saying is that she doesn't really want to get to know anyone there and that being with new people in a gathering is terribly aversive. She might prefer to go home and start working on her taxes. No kidding.
- “My child is busy but thank you for the invitation.” The parents of introverts often protect their kids by getting them out of too many social interactions. They are simply being attentive to the temperamental needs of their kids. They are not trying to hurt your kids, nor do they necessarily dislike your kids.
About the author: Dr. Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, is an expert on an impressive range of subjects related to parenting, teens, communication, love, family and lifestyle. Her approachable style and genuine interest in the people and the issues make her a sought after expert and speaker on a range of issues relating to teens and parenting.
Dr. Greenberg specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned parents. She maintains her full-time private practice in Fairfield County, Connecticut.
Dr. Greenberg is the co-author of Teenage as a Second Language – A Parent’s Guide to Becoming Bilingual. She writes regularly for several publications including The New York Times, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, Yahoo Lifestyle, WebMD and GalTime. Dr. Greenberg frequently shares her advice on a variety of shows including Good Morning America, Nightline, Katie’s Take with Katie Couric, CNN, HLN and The Daily Buzz.
She has been interviewed as an expert on a number of cable television networks, including PIX-11, CBS, FOX, NBC, and Investigation Discovery.