I cannot begin to tell you how many Valentine’s Day I spent alone. Somehow my boyfriend dujour would decide to strategically break up with me right before Valentine’s Day either a) Because he didn’t care for me anymore or b) Because he didn’t want to have to shell out big bucks for a fancy VDay gift. c) He needed his space d) I was too clingy and was annoying him by asking him where he was after not hearing from him for a week. Whatever his reasons were I usually found myself single right around the BIGGEST LOVEFEST of the year.
So if you are finding yourself in such a position come February 14th- don’t despair- I’ve rounded up some surefire tips to help you enjoy Valentine’s day if you are single and UNWILLING to be depressed!
“When I was single Valentine’s Day seemed to be the holiday that celebrated my major life failure: being single,” says Michelle Barnum Smith, Personal Marketing Expert, and THE dating coach for the frustrated single, where she teaches unique, proven ways to stop the dating drama and start dating productively. “Naturally, the result was to react with the 3 Deadly D’s: Dessert, Desperation and Depression. It didn’t matter how much dessert I ate, I didn’t feel better. It didn’t matter how many desperation-induced hook ups I had, I didn’t feel better. Surprisingly, wallowing in my feelings, letting myself just be depressed didn’t make me feel better either. ”
Smith says she did find (and recommends to clients) 5 things to do to celebrate Valentine’s with passion:
#1 Exercise – There’s nothing like endorphins to raise your spirits AND make you look better
#2 Serve – Find someone who needs your help and you’ll feel empowered with purpose
#3 Stay Positive – Tempted to go on a bitter Twitter rampage or blow a night with your girls complaining about “men these days”? Don’t do it! When was the last time bitterness and negativity were attractive qualities?
#4 Meditate – Who’s going to want to date you if even YOU don’t want to be with you? Meditation helps you to spend quality time with the most important person in your life: you!
#5 Plan – Feeling helpless makes you feel trapped (and desperate). Instead of waiting for love to find you, put together a plan for finding it yourself! Mapping out your social plan of attack will make you feel empowered, hopeful and keep you motivated.
Jessica Baker, Founder and CEO of Aligned Signs, the leading online tool for relationships and self-discovery also shares 3 Tips for Being Joyfully Single
#6 Reconnect With The Love of Your Life…YOU* The most important relationship you have, and will ever have, is the one with the person you see in the mirror. In fact, before you should consider a relationship with another person you should be solid in your understanding and love internally. Need some ideas? To reconnect with yourself, start a gratitude journal and write down ten things you are grateful for in your life. Keep the journal near your bed and contribute to it daily. Additionally, take the Myers Briggs(R) assessment to gain a deeper understanding of your personality type, inherent strengths and preferences. Figure out what brings you joy and what things you like to avoid, your idiosyncrasies, your originality. If you don’t know, how can any anyone else positively add value to your experiences? Another idea: gather a stack of magazines and newspapers and cut out anything and everything that peaks your interest, then make a collage. Look for themes and patterns in your creation. You might be surprised by what you learn through this fun and therapeutic exercise.
#7: Make Pampering Yourself A Priority* You do a lot in a day – work, errands and social expectations. It is important to take time out to treat yourself for it! Set aside some downtime from your hectic life and get your nails done, play a video game, get a new haircut or a massage. Whatever you choose, do something that is just for you. A little spoiling by purchasing a new outfit can give you a fresh perspective and boost in confidence. Plus, when you feel good others are sure to take notice!
# 8: Remind Your Friends and Family That They Are Loved* Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to nurture the relationships you already have. Check in with your parents, grandparents, siblings and close friends that live far away. They think about you more than you know and would love to hear from you. A phone call is a nice surprise that sends a priceless warm and fuzzy feeling that is sure to bring a smile to their face. Sending flowers, balloons, or a comforting food basket is that ‘loved’ feeling they can touch. Valentine’s Day is a great time to show the ones who you care most about how much they mean to you. In the process, take note of the impact you have made in other people’s lives just by being you.