I must preface this with the disclaimer that I AM NOT A LICENSED THERAPIST– just an old married lady who has broken a few lamps and screamed at my husband till I lost my voice- who has come to the realization that ANGER in a marriage is NEVER the best way to communicate.
The result from said behavior will only do one thing- necessitate a trip to Home Goods to buy another lamp, hanging your head in shame because you realize you and your husband were out for blood with the windows WIDE OPEN SO THAT YOUR ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD now knows that you and your husband argue over his refusal to wash his jeans. Suffice it to say I've learned a few lessons about being in a 24/7 relationship with another person and figured it was my DUTY to share some of the finer points I've gleaned from my 18 years in the Marriage HOOD.
#1 Marriage is not a Sprint it is a Marathon. There are no quick or easy fixes when it comes to your marriage. Each day is another day to get it right and make it better. So don't give up.
#2 Don't forget to water your marriage. Having that marriage title is great but it doesn't mean that you can just be complacent about it. Just like you go to the gym and work on your body, or else you would not be able to stay in shape- the same is true for your marriage. If you don't give it attention and make it a priority it will unravel.
#3 Communicate!! While being married does bring you closer to your spouse it does not imbue your spouse with the ability to read your mind. If you are angry, frustrated or upset- TELL YOUR SPOUSE. A grudge in a marriage will slowly eat away at your relationship and undermine the foundation of your marriage.
#4 Don't forget to HAVE FUN. We often can forget in the daily grind of living with someone to take some time out to actually ENJOY each other's company and HAVE FUN. Don't forget to engage in the activities the two of you enjoyed when you first met– and ALWAYS share a glass of wine at least once a week with your dinner!
#5 Remember to save the special for your best friend. Don't just come to your spouse to hash out the bills and schedules. Compliment them, make them laugh and tell them you love them- treat them the way you would treat your best friend- because ultimately that is what the two of you are- BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE.
#6 Never go to bed angry. Say I love you and agree to disagree at least for the night. I know that is easier said than done but going to bed in a bad mood is not going to achieve anything except for preventing you from falling asleep and sometimes hearing the words I LOVE YOU can soften your heart ( even if just for the moment.)
#7 Try and find shared passions. ( or at least fake it til you make it!) Try and find activities and hobbies you can pursue as a team. Think of it this way- if you go running with your husband- then he will HAVE to go shopping with you!
#8 COMPROMISE and pick your battles. When you are ready to pick a fight with your spouse think of this-” will this argument hold any weight in two weeks from now?”
So got any other tips tips share?