We all harbor secrets. And the best kind of secrets are the ones that we alone share with our lovers. There is something so deliciously decadent about a secret sexual thrill that’s intimate and perhaps a little edgy that only the two of you share! This is why great sex is important to a marriage or long term relationship.
According to Nina Helms founder of DevineToys sensual storage for the style minded and Sex and Health Enthusiasts (S+HE) skin care system, a lot is wrapped up in sex. For Helms Intimate Fitness is a mind, body, soul lifestyle choice. It encompasses maintaining a healthy, open and mindful approach to sex, caring for our intimate body with products like S+HE, holistic self-care and soulfully, energetically connecting with our lovers and sensual self.
Great sex offers us the opportunity to deeply connect with a special partner or spouse. It nurtures and deepens trust, allows us be vulnerable and fully present with someone and builds self-awareness. When done safely and with respect, a couple’s sex life broadens communication and openness and creates bonds that are like spun gold linking the two. Making love also relieves stress, increases longevity, raises self-confidence and boosts happiness which certainly casts a bright light over relationships. So yes, sex is a very important and integral part of a happy, healthy and vital relationship.
Of course, keeping sex magical in your marriage takes a little work and armed with 21 years of yoga which offered her a deep understanding of sensuality, self-awareness, sexual health and Intimate Fitness, Helms founded DevineToys and Sex and Health Enthusiasts (S+HE) to encourage couples through her products to celebrate and embrace their sexuality in a healthy, playful, yet responsible and educated fashion. What I LOVE about Helms’ is that she truly works to demystify and make sex and the pursuit of pleasure as normal, healthy as possible. And to remind us that sex is a birthright with so many personal and relational benefits.
So without further ado- here are 8 tips to keeping Jonesing for IT.
Don’t let long term commitment be the assassin to your passion. Here are some playful and serious suggestions to keep things heated and you regularly Jonesing for your lover.
1. Sex 101: What, you never took this course in High School or College? No one did! Though sex, intimacy and physical connection are so important to a happy, healthy lifestyle, we have all been left to our own devices, instincts and sadly porn to navigate these very emotional and ego filled waters. Commit to seeing a sex expert with your lover for at least 5 sessions. You never know what will be revealed and learned with an educator in the room. It may help you shed some inhibitions, gain permissions and highlight some likes or dislikes you were too bashful to voice. Don’t wait for the downturn, make an appointment while things are still arousing.
2. Alone/Down time: Help your partner to have some quiet personal time so that they are more open sex play. Get the HoneyDews done without urging or draw your woman a bath. Light a few candles and pick up a few of her household chores so that when you are spooning later, that poke in her back will be met with enthusiasm and not rolling eyes.
3. Lower expectations to reach higher peaks: NYC sex therapist Carlo Borea says Sex is an important and integral part of a fulfilling, healthy relationship. Having goal oriented sex; striving for orgasm and pushing for it in your partner leads to anxiety, frustration and boredom. Instead, explore sex as a way to enhance love, connectedness, compassion and trust. Since it’s the beginning of the year, make a commitment to let go of unhelpful expectations, rules and judgments like:
– Your partner should like what you like;
– You/your partner should have sex more (or less) often;
– You/your partner should have an orgasm (or erection) every time.
4. Go shopping: No, not to the mall: sex toy shopping it’s time to be open-minded, playful and wholly experimental. Go online if you are bashful (goodvibrations.com or edenfantasy.com) or to a good quality sex toy store so you can get some sound advice. Practice sexual health and Intimate Fitness by maintaining your blossoming collection of playthings in a chic and secure Devine Playchest. Be sure to keep toys clean with AfterGlow toy/personal tissues.
5. Respect him / Cherish her: Studies show that men need to feel respected by partners to be vibrant, vigorous and happy. Women need to feel cherished and want their lover to nurture their relationship as much as they do. Absence of these sentiments leads to resentment, dissatisfaction and 1 person feeling less loved than the other. Take a serious look in the mirror to self-check that your behavior deserves respect and cherishing.
6. Make it OTT (OVER THE TOP): Some things are worth overdoing. Diverge wildly from the dinner and a movie date bust out with an unexpected over the top, well planned and executed evening, weekend or vacation. Crank it up a notch so that he/she knows they are loved, cherished or respected, that you are still feeling it and how important they are to you. Do some research or join HowAboutWe.com for ideas. Add a final touch by romantically and stylishly setting the stage for your sexual encounter with toys, lube and lingerie delivered in a chic DevineToy box to craft your own 50 Shades of ?? finale.
7. DIVERGE from habit: Be aware of your tired and oft said murmurings and usual approaches. Routine is a sex fire extinguisher. Get creative with new positions, types of stimulation (feathers, fur, heated oils) locations, lube, play things, restraints etc. Intimate play is an exquisite time for discovery, fun experimentation, trust building and being fully present with your partner…not to mention the great health benefits. So get busy letting those walls and inhibitions down and ramping sex energy and curiosity up. Sex is a birth right and is as natural as breathing and sleeping.
8. Don’t keep them wondering. Guys, tell your lover you are planning now for Valentine’s Day and actually do it (refer to #6). This will build anticipation and relieve them from predicting disappointment from you. Ladies, if your lover is a man, studies show that regular affirmations, specifically coming from YOU, does wonders to keep him feeling confident and more secure in all aspects his life as well continuing to adore you!