You and your husband have the perfect marriage but that doesn’t mean things can’t change. That’s why I am sharing these 8 Tips to Protect Your Marriage from In-Laws. Sometimes, you simply don’t like your in-laws. Sometimes they are just meddling all the time. The tips below will help keep your in-laws from SABOTAGING your marriage!
8 Tips to Protect Your Marriage from In-Laws
While you didn’t enter your marriage looking for an ax to grind with your in-laws, over the course of your marriage you’ve had cause to question their character and morality. In fact, there have been many times that you’ve wished you could just divorce yourself from them. Unfortunately, you can’t! So what can you do?
According to marriage and family therapist Lesli M. W. Doares, MS, LMFT of Balanced Family Therapy and author of the forthcoming book Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage: How to Create Your Happily Ever After With More Intention, Less Work, it is possible for a marriage to survive even when you don’t get along with your in-laws, but it takes a clear understanding and agreement between you and your spouse. The old saying about marrying your partner’s family is true to the extent you let it be, says Doares. Extended family can have a strong impact on your marriage, so it’s a subject better dealt with head-on and not left to chance.
Your allegiance should be to your spouse
Of course, you are still a member of your family of origin and that familial relationship is important. However, note Doares, both of you must remember that once you marry, your allegiance should shift to your partner.
You are forming a new family that takes priority over the old, says Doares. Hopefully, everybody can get along. But in any disagreement between spouse and family, you need to side with your spouse if their position is reasonable and rational. If someone has to be disappointed, it should be the in-laws, not your partner.
Spouses need to manage their relationships with their parents
Because you are the one with feet in both camps, it is your job to manage the relationship with your parents. If you truly want to protect your marriage from meddling inlaws, this is a must. It is unfair and, ultimately, unworkable to leave this role to your spouse. This means you will have to deal with any outstanding issues you have with your parents.
Couples must define and enforce reasonable boundaries with their respective parents
When it comes to abusive, meddling, advice giving, or surprise visiting in-laws, what you tell them about your relationship, holiday celebrations, child rearing, etc. don’t allow behaviors or habits to start that you don’t want to live with for the length of your marriage. While you can’t stop your parents from trying to do what they want, notes Doares, calmly refusing to go along with them is your choice.
If your in-laws don’t want anything to do with the grandchildren it is their loss, not your fault
The more you try to change their minds or behavior, the more power you give them in your lives, advises Doares. Grieve their choice, provide appropriate information about your family, manage your hurt, and move on.
Sometimes you can try all these things and there will still be animosity between your spouse and your parents
Learn to let go of that idea of one big happy family says Doares. You don’t have to choose between them to have a happy marriage. Your spouse may never want to have anything to do with your family but you can still be in contact with them. You will just have to adjust your expectations about when and how you see them while protecting your marriage at the same time. Sometimes, if you can drop your end of the rope and stop trying to make everyone get along, the two parties can change their position over time.
Eight DOs and DONTs for surviving the in-law wars
#1 DO prioritize
Your partner and your marriage are your top priority. Protect your marriage.
#2 DO set boundaries
You and your spouse must clearly define the boundaries of your marriage. This means deciding who comes in, when, and under what circumstances. You promised to forsake all others. This means your parents.
#3 DO figure out holidays up front
As early as possible, decide how you want to spend holidays and other important occasions as a couple. Do not just go along and hope you can change it later.
#4 DO be a team
Recognize you cannot change your family’s behavior, only your response to it. Have a clear and united response that supports your marriage.
#5 DO keep an open mind
Listen to your partner’s viewpoint and feelings about your family with an open mind and heart. Don’t automatically defend your family.
#6 DON’T betray your spouse to your parents
Be clear about what is okay to share about your marriage with your parents. Do not betray your spouse’s confidences or vulnerabilities. Make sure you tell them about the positive aspects of your spouse and marriage.
#7 DON’T force the relationship
If you cannot reconcile your partner and your parents, stop trying. Do not force your spouse to be with them if it is too hurtful. It’s okay to visit them alone.
#8 DO be the bad cop
You are the spokesman and enforcer for your marriage to your parents. Do not leave it to your partner to work things out with your parents. Let their relationship be as easy as possible.
As you can see, there are a few easy things you can do to protect your marriage from meddling in-laws. While not all in-laws are bad, you should still consider these tips so you don’t make a bad situation in your marriage.
More Marriage Tips:
- Lessons from 20 Years of Marriage
- Winter Date Ideas That Won’t Break the Bank
- 7 Cures to Combat Your Marriage Slump
- 6 Tips for Newlyweds in the First Year of Marriage
All I can say is that I will never be like my mother in law. 12 years of hell and still counting.
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Hi I have been having problems with my in laws although I have keep my distance they still try to break up my marriage my mother in law told my husband a lot of bad things about me which non of it was true now she is sick and my husband want to go visit her and want us to Come along not sure if I want to ever see her again what do you think I should do I need some advice please
forgive her from your heart and go and see her. life is not easy as we think
my chinese in law had been plotting and convincing my husband to execute the demise of me and my marriage and my kids. i am chinese but not from china/hong kong like them. his mother is a street hawker and i come from a rich family and i am a graduate. her jealousy have no boundaries. can you email your above to my husband to save my marriage. she and her husband had poison him against me. tried to kill my kids when they were just toddlers eg open front door watch him walked to main road with speeding cars claim my son is stupid not to know road danger at age 13 months. open window upstairs next to bed despite my asking not to and he climbed out and i caught him by the ankle. she told my husband to fight me in everything especially concerning the kids when they are excelling in school and outside school activities. please help him see the light. i worked hard to build and maintain a rental business only to find that he put all in his sole name although i paid the deposit and signed contract for purchase but he took documents to solicitors. i am not working and no job and a homemaker whilst getting tenants to live in rented property. he stole it all from me and now prep to divorce and i dont know what to do. i am heartbroken that i gave up everything, left my country my career for this family and this is how he repay me. his email address victorc123@gmail.com
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I got a divorce from my husband when I was six months pregnant with my second child. We had been arguing and quarreling nonstop since the day our first child was conceived, no love nor trust from him anymore so he divorced me. And all these whiles, I have been trying all different means to get him back, I also tried some different spell casters here in the United States, but none of them could bring Richard back to me. It was only Dr. unity who guaranteed me an urgent 48 hours spell casting, and he assure me that my husband will be with me again. I am writing to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you for keeping your promises, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back home. I was thrilled to know that you are specialized in reuniting Lovers. Thank you Sir, for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy in my marriage. My husband is back and promise never to leave me again. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine. If you are thier right now and you need a powerful and urgent love spell to bring back your ex kindly contact Dr. unity right now he is the only answer to restore your broken relationship or marriage. Here’s his contact Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail. com
I want to use this opportunity to tell everyone about Dr Shiva on how he reunited me with my husband after 2 months of divorce. My husband divorce me because he saw another woman in his office and he said to me that he is no longer in love with me anymore and decide to divorce me.I seek help from the Net and i saw good testimonies about Dr Shiva and i contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my husband back within 2 days.If you need his help Email him at reunitingexspell@yahoo. com
Greetings to everyone here, I am from Canada but I based in USA, Who could have believe that high priest tokubo can help me bring back my EX who left me one year Ago just because of a little mixed understanding and I fell bad about it and I try all my possible best to bring back my EX but it was not working until a friend of mine told me about one of the best and greatest spell caster called priest tokubo who helped him back then in getting his wife back so I contacted him and I explained all my situation to him and it was all true so he told me what to do and I did all what he asked me to do and within 24 hours I received a phone call from my ex begging and pleading for my forgiveness. it was just like a dream, the next day my ex came back to my house and we had a good time together again and I was so happy and now we are living peacefully.. for instant spell high priest tokubo is the best spell caster in the world because he doesn’t disappoint……..In case you want your ex back or you want your lover back Contact priest tokubo on his Email at: highpriesttokubo @gmail. com
Thank you very much Priest manuka. i never thought any thing could make my husband come back to me as his wife again, after he broke up with me and left to settle down with another woman who never Knew how we both suffered and share feelings together, thank God today i was lucky to see this great spell caster on a site after seeing a lots of testimony and good work he have done in the lives of people helping them to get their ex,husbands and wife renewing their relationship i was convinced and i contacted him and just in 7 days after the spell was casted my beloved husband came looking for me and right now we are together again and he is taking care of me and the little kids as his responsibilities and family. Once again thank you here are his contact to reach him. lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com or priestmanuka@yahoo. com
I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months,he just suddenly changed,he was returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it maybe out of desperation of some sort ..and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of spell casters and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for my husband,my family and my life back their address is; Supernaturalspell1@gmail. com