I am one of MANY women who read this week’s NY Times Vows section, which essentially details a couple who found each other, while both were still married– and yet their undeniable attraction for each other could not be contained. Although they say, they never engaged in a physical relationship with each other while they were still married- after much consternation and internal examination on both of their parts, they decided to leave their respective spouses and get married.
They both admitted they had regrets about having to hurt their spouses, but pose an interesting dilemma; one that has stirred up some major controversy…(especially the fact that they’ve posted their love story in a major way, almost as a way to validate their unholiest of unions).
Here’s the situation: You’re married, you have kids and then, like a bolt of lightning, you are TRANSFIXED by another adult (who just so happens to be the parent of a kid in your child’s preschool class).
As a couple you and your spouse and this adult and his spouse begin to socialize and you both admit you begin to have forbidden feelings for one another. What do you do? Do you act on them? Do you see them as temptation and as such ignore them?
Maybe your marriage isn’t so perfect, perhaps your spouse isn’t everything you would hope for– and this new person seems so dynamic, the infatuation is full blown, you find yourself waiting for pre-school pickup just to get a glimpse of this person.. What do you do, how do you handle it?
Do you hang in there? And if you don’t hang in there… do you make it as public as this couple did? Is this couple saying; the world be dammed- our kids be dammed?
I think we've become desensitized to many things, violence, drugs, even infidelity. Because it happens so often.
Infidelity and marriage failure is seen as inevitable in some ways. Half of all marriages end up failing, i'm not sure how many of those are due to infidelity, but it likely is in some form (whether emotional, or via the internet or physical).
This is a very interesting article. I know a couple who r currently married but cheated on their married spouses because of the feelings they had for eachother. I feel sad for those people and their kids and really feel that if a spouse starts having feelings for someone else they need to leave their spouse before starting a new relationship and therefore stopping the humiliation to their families.
I have lived it. It sucks for the spouse – but it will suck much more for those kids 🙁
I too read that Vows article with my mouth on the floor. However I think this stuff happens more often than we would like to believe. I wonder how either partner would ever trust the other one. I mean, if you're that quick to leave the mother/father of your children, how much would it take to leave No. 2?
I was agog when I read this article…not because of the situation – but because to publicize their transgressions. I tweeted this article first thing Sunday a.m.. The comments trended more towards "how could they have put this in the NYTimes" – esp after having dragged their respective spouses through the wringer for years before. It was the proverbial icing on the cake if you ask me.
Plus, did you look at the pix of those kids? Their faces tell the story…sad, sad, sad…
Every situation varies. I find more often than not that people marry for the wrong reasons. 3-4 years down the road when your entire world revolves around kids and your marriage is slowly diminishing your only outlet is someone else in a similar situation.
So now you find yourself surrounded by unhappy adults, kids are friends, you naturally discuss your relationship hardships and boom! IRS a breeding ground for meeting someone else.
Life sometimes takes us down roads we never knew existed and sometimes that road leads us through a painful tunnel that has a light at it's end.
So don't judge.
This sort of thing has always happened. What bothers me is its being touted in the New York Times as a perfectly reasonable way to meet your (second) mate. Shame on the Gray Lady!
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