So my husband just made his list and he checked it twice. Then he was off-no not off to go and chop wood, clean the gutters or grow some more hair on his chest- rather he was off to pick up a package of tofu and start planning his dinner menu.
which leads me to my question: Are you married and proof that all wives do not cook and all husbands do not clean gutters?
Are you married and proof that all wives do not cook and all husbands do not clean gutters?
When I ask him if he minds being the cook in this relationship he says,”No I Like cooking, I like that I can influence the health of my family. And I like that I can be creative.”
I ask him- ” Do you look down on me that I can't really dice and sautee?”
He says,”No everyone has their thing. Their loves and interests- so you don't like cooking- and yet I've never seen anyone work a room with a vacuum like you.”
Me, “I feel like I'm a bad mother– like I should be the one the kids see in the kitchen?”
He says, “You're a great mother and I actually would prefer that you don't cook.”
Me: “Really, you don't think it make me any less of a maternal figure that I am not physically involved in creating the sustenance of life for my family?”
He says,” Unfortunately your creations are not quite the sustenance of life and like I said, it doesn't bother me that you don't cook, if anything it provides me with more freedom and the ability to express myself.”
Of course, I am convinced the fact that the handful of times I tried to cook and BURNT the pasta because I took a shower and forgot to turn it off; made faux meatloaf with just a tad too many breadcrumbs (I threw em in based on judgement who needs a measuring cup when you just have a feeling you're adding the right amount in) is a big reason why my husband was more than willing, ready and able to take the cooking reins in our home.
I also know that this holiday season I need to just get over it and when I feel like I'm not being enough of a mother– whip out my computer and come up with some really great examples of couples (like my husband and I ) who demonstrate the fact that marital roles are fluid- there is no right or wrong.
I also love Julia Child's quote which so eloquently sums up my definition of the ingredients to a happy marriage:
“We had a happy marriage because we were together all the time. We were friends as well as husband and wife. We just had a good time.” Julia Child
So are you married and proof that all wives do not cook and all husbands do not clean gutters?