In some ways I feel as though I’m the closest anyone has ever been to my husband. An incredibly guarded and stoic person I’ve been able to slowly but surely pry open that tough steel exterior and, for a few brief shining moments, I think I’ve even managed to get right to his core.
I feel confident that I know him, or at least as much as he’ll reveal of himself to anyone. And then there are times that he’ll say things- about his past and he’ll catch me completely off-guard. I’ll look at him, at this man with whom I’ve created two kids, saddled myself with a mortgage, insurance premiums and most importantly the care of my spirit, with whom I have weathered countless rites of life’s passages together and think what else is this man holding back from me? How do I get to his core… is that even an option and will I like what I see when I get there? No, I’m not worried he’s harboring a secret sexual life or that he’s like so many of the Lifetime movie marathons of husbands who’ve murdered their secret ex-wives, get remarried and appear completely normal.
How many of us are married to spouses with whom we share so much, both physical possessions, and physical intimacy but hold back our deepest, darkest emotional ones? Of course if you asked my husband this question he’ d say, I’ve shared more with my wife than I ever have with anyone”. And I know I have bared (whether my husband cares to know or not!) every last bit of who I am and what I feel.
Of course when confronted my husband’ s standard answer to this dilemma, “Every guy is like me, guys aren’t having long heart-to-heart bare their soul talks with their wives, anywhere other than during a therapy session.”
Well I don’t agree. I’m still trying to unravel him and unearth his secrets.