Five SECRETS of Happyish Married Couples
I would be doing you a huge disservice and basically LYING THROUGH MY TEETH if I told you that marriage is always smooth sailing. It isn’t, but nothing that is truly worth it’s weight is easy.
Marriage is a work in progress, it is a patchwork comprised of a million tiny moments both the happy and heartbreaking ones that cement its foundation and viability.
And I can say without reservation that a long marriage is NOT for the faint of heart- or for those who do not know the meaning of compromise; marriage is a lesson in compromise and ultimately in letting your spouse off the hook, i.e., letting go of your grudges.
I have been married for 21 long years and I can say with absolutely no reservations that there really is no SECRET to marriage (I just USED the word SECRET as a way to get you to READ THIS POST– yes I am clever) rather it’s about the decisions you make in regards to how you react to your spouse that will help to keep you on the road to wedded bliss.
And while I can’t speak for all couples I can speak from my own experience being in the trenches for 21 years that at times has felt like an ETERNITY and at other times has felt like we’ve only just begun on our journey. So here it is- FIVE SECRETS of happyish married couples. I say HAPPYISH because you will always be at varying degrees of happy, aka you will be HAPPYISH.
FIVE SECRETS of happyish married couples
FIVE SECRETS of happyish married couples.
#1 HIRE someone to do things that are GUARANTEED to cause you and your spouse to argue (the INVESTMENT will be worth its weight in gold). When your husband is putting together a basketball hoop that you ordered without first conferring with him and it arrives by UPS and your son proceeds to jump on his old and tired back and gnaw at his ear with the phrase, “When are you putting it together daddy???” and your husband tells you the instructions are in Chinese and he really can’t do it–BELIEVE HIM.
INSTEAD of making a fuss and berating him for his lack of handyman prowess, believe him when he tells you the instructions are in CHINESE and then HIRE someone else to do it.
#2 Don’t ask your spouse the same question more than once. Chances are when you asked your spouse this question the first time, HE HEARD YOU.
#3 If there is only enough milk left for ONE CUP OF COFFEE, don’t drink it. Save that last cup of milk/ coffee for your spouse. That small act of kindness is one you can keep in your back pocket and pull out anytime you need to remind your spouse what a an unconditionally loving partner you are.
#4 Never forget to EXERCISE your mute button. Sure you are angry, stressed and the easiest thing to do would be to get all that toxicity out of your body and often the easiest target and vessel for that anger is your better half. But instead I suggest using your MUTE button and taking the dogs out for a walk or better yet heading for the gym. Your body will thank you and so will your spouse.
#5 Grow together NOT APART. So you don’t LOVE to spend your weekends at Dog rescue meetups or listening to the same men call into radio shows and rant about the same missed play from last night’s game. DO IT ANYWAY. Do things together–your spouse will love you all the more for it.
This stuff is hard! Relationships are difficult! This is too much work! I am on 28 years and counting, and it is a job to stay connected to my spouse, but so far, we are still chugging away! I do like how you word this article, both partners are responsible for these things, not just one!
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Yes, I hired someone to put together the trampoline. I knew my husband would get cranky about it. So much easier! We like to spend time together as well, but sometimes we need alone time. I think that helps bring us together.
This year I celebrate 29 years with my husband and we’ve remained very happy. We met on a Friday and moved in together the next day and have never spent a night apart in all of those years. I say drink the damn milk lol.
I love all of your tips. It’s so important to know when to just hire assistance in a marriage. It really does make a huge difference.
I agree about the need to use the “mute” button instead of lashing out in anger. I also think that lashing out in anger does not really release the toxicity but inflames it!
Great tips! I think that being considerate to each other is the best thing a person can do in any relationship. My husband and I have been married for 35 years and although we have different interests at times, we always find ways to stay connected.
Marriage is hard work. Choosing eachother over and over and learning when to keep your mouth shut is key. Putting someone else first, even if it’s just leaving them the milk for their coffee.
This is such a wonderful blog to read. It can help a lot of married couples who are having struggles in their relationships. Thank you for sharing!
I need to work on using my mute button more. But women are born to nag and men should know and accept that if they haven’t so already. Bahaha!
Those are awesome tips to keep the relationship strong. I will keep this in mind, thanks for sharing!
My parents are married for 36 years already. I think they mastered the mute button already. lol!
Indeed, relationships take work and it is worth it. The one-piece that in my opinion is absolutely critical is to “grow together” and not apart. I’m looking forward to many more happy years together in my marriage. Great tips!
Relationships are all tough, and I believe number 4 is essential. Pause and mute. The knee-jerk reactions we have are all intended to lash out and hurt the person we love most.
Relationships are not easy it should, goes both ways to maintain the relationship, yes love, understanding is basis.
I absolutely love these tips, especially #1! You both look so happy together, can’t wait to see more pics!
Living with a partner which is totally different from you is really difficult but yes, I agree with you that marriage is a work in progress both sides need to work hard to have a successful marriage/relationship with your partner.
I love stories like this! Hopefully, other couples can follow your lead and outlast the statistics.
LOVED your article! Very wise words of wisdom. 🙂 I was married for forty years when my husband passed away six years ago, so I was in the trenches a bit longer, and can attest to the fact that if you want to stay happyish married, you need to bite your tongue sometimes. There are two of you in the relationship, and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is a good rule of thumb. Your children will thank you, and society will, too. ❣️