I recently looked at my husband after we watched the intense drama, Captain Phillips, and asked him, ” Why do we hate Tom Hanks?” That seems like a crazy question right? I mean the man has been in beloved films like Castaway and Big and even headlined the campy classic TV comedy Bosom Buddies. And yet- my husband and I both have this mutual understanding that we hate him. I'm not even sure how or why I would dare hate such an iconic and beloved American actor- but apparently I do- because I'm committed to my marriage aka I follow the one cardinal rule of marriage. If You Want to Stay Married Happily You Must Hate The Same People
What does that mean? That I blindly take on the opinion of my husband no matter how far fetched and crazy they would appear to be- NO? It's more that over our 19 year marital union we have come to certain understanding- or rather certain ideals that bond us- and that the two of us will unwaveringly share- almost as a metaphor for our commitment to this life we share. And one of those principles are that we hate Tom Hanks ( which my husband just reminded me is because of his annoyingly smarmy acceptance speeches)- but it is NOT just hanks who we hate in unison- NO we've got a LONG list of people that fall under that category- and even if one of us is on the fence- in our marriage we have UNILATERALLY made the conscious and joint decision to hate that person as a team. The key word here- is that we hate as a verb- as a team would.
But it is not just our mutual hatred for people which are the ties that bind us- here are a few other examples.
– We will always keep up a united front ( for anyone- really JUST TRY TO BREAK US). I learned early in marriage that tearing my husband down in front of friends and poking fun at the fact that he wore socks to the beach- was really poking fun at myself. I mean I'm the one who married the guy who wore socks to the beach so therefore I should be ridiculed too -right?! What I learned from that situation is that if my husband insists on wearing socks to the beach I will support his decision and tell anyone who makes fun of him to SHUT THE HELL UP.
-I'm the Felix to his Oscar, The Alan to his Charlie. We are definitely an odd couple. He does not care about dirt. I am an obsessive cleaner. He can sit in silence for hours. I need to fill that silence with TV and Talking. He can cook anything. I can eat anything. I'm also plagued by neuroses and he lets EVERYTHING roll off his back. You get the gist; we are very much the ying to one another's yang.
– I try never to forget that my husband is my better half. That good, bad or otherwise I will stand by his side and take this ride with him. I will honor the decisions he makes (even if I don't completely agree with them) because I expect him to do the same for me. And yes that means if he hates Tom Hanks then I will hate him too.