When I first met my husband almost 20 years ago I thought our opposite personalities complimented each other. It was like we were two pieces of this grand puzzle and somehow amidst the trillions of other pieces out there; despite how jagged I seemed compared to his smooth exterior our parts just fit.
In the beginning our opposite natures were simple; I’m crazy about all things caffeinated, he won’t touch the stuff. I’d prefer to stay up to the wee hours of the morning; he can’t keep his eyes open past 9 pm. I would give anything for a few extra hours of sleep in the morning, while he’s bright eyed and bushy-tailed at 7 am. I cannot bear to bottle up my feelings; he would rather stick pins in his eyes than to have a talk.
The truth is when you initially meet someone who is your complete polar opposite that difference, that dissonance is EXCITING- it’s foreign and yes it is electric. It is initially what catapulted me to basically get engaged to my now husband ( of almost 18 years) after a mere four months of dating. His quiet calm, seemed to soothe all the noise and anxiety taking up space in my head. His ability to not crack in any kind of pressure cooker situation and to be able to methodically work through it until a resolution could be reached- helped me to learn to navigate those situations with a clearer head. And I know my dive in head first ask questions later has helped us to make some rather quick decisions that would have taken him a great deal longer to come to a decision on.
All that being said I can also look back on the first few years of our marriage when the infatuation had worn thin, and his opposite nature made me want to pour just a tiny bit of poison in his coffee and I thank gd for the show 48 hours to keep me in check! The truth is it is far easier in the short run to be with someone who agrees with you. It eliminates arguments and well it is also nice to have a yes man. But in the long-run having someone who was my twin, who thought exactly the way I did, who agreed with everything I did and said- I think would be maddening and quite frankly incredibly DULL.
The point of a marriage is to grow, to have this person with you who challenges you, who forces you to look at the world through a different lens, even when YOU DON’T Want to. And after nearly 18 years of marriage I can say having been with my polar opposite for all this time I appreciate our differences so much more than I don’t and here is why In a Long-term Marriage Opposites Attract.
#1 It is good to have different viewpoints on issues. One may not be right or the other may not be right- but the RIGHT answer may lie somewhere in between and it is good to have that differing opinion to arrive at said answer.
#2 A calm person can moderate a more anxious person and in our case sometimes my husband can be too calm and sometimes it’s good to have someone like ME to push and light that fire under him ( he agrees!)
#3 Sometimes a plain person can use a little flash. Case in point we are getting our house painted and while my husband is set on our usual colors we did have our front door and awning painted a SPLASHY CANDY APPLE RED and while that is something he NEVER WOULD HAVE chosen he has fallen in love with the accent!