Update: So for reasons I will never understand Ben Affleck decided to talk about his ex-wife Jennifer Garner, claiming that he’d still be drinking if they were married.
“I’d probably still be drinking. It’s part of why I started drinking … because I was trapped,” he said, via People. “I was like ‘I can’t leave ’cause of my kids, but I’m not happy, what do I do?’ What I did was drink a bottle of scotch and fall asleep on the couch, which turned out not to be the solution.”
I had originally written this post when they were still married and Let’s be honest- NONE of us truly knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a marriage.
We see a couple, they have three kids, they’re fairly good looking, they’re both ambitious- they take turns in the spotlight- although from a woman’s perspective it feels like the wife spends the bulk of her energy raising their kids while the husband gets to go out, climb those proverbial mountains- and yes, even score a coveted Oscar.
But I guess amid the mirage of Hollywood smokescreens and publicists working overtime to create the illusion of a couple married with nary a sign of trouble-Ben Afflecks’ honest comments about his marriage to his wife during his Oscar’s acceptance speech- spoke volumes- at least to me- about the reality of being in a marriage.
I know when I got married- I expected the thrilling wedding day euphoria to simply carry me through that first year- almost like a wind beneath my sails- as if just the pure idea of being married would keep me happily ensconced in a union. Of course I could not have been more wrong. I could never have foreseen all the effort and gritty, dirty work marriage would entail.
I have grown up as a woman and as a person over these last 23 years that I’ve been with my husband. My marriage has stretched me (quite literally during the births of both my babies) and changed me in ways that are hard to articulate. I’ve learned that being in the daily trenches with another person- is nothing short of tiring, boring, frustrating and at times thankless. I’ve wanted to run many times. But my marriage is also the place I’ve found shelter. My husband has pushed me to find my voice, to work harder than I cared to, and to face truths about myself that were incredibly uncomfortable. Oh and then there is the issue of our kids and how their existences have helped to keep our union intact.
Which brings me back to Ben Affleck and his once very honest speech about his wife…” For working on our marriage, its good… it’s work it’s the best kind of work- there’s no one I’d rather work with.”
Back then I loved that Affleck acknowledged the truth about his relationship, That his marriage is not birds flying and chirping on your heads -0 as you smile and clink champagne glasses, 24/7 all the time. It was so nice to see a spouse honestly and openly acknowledge the wife’s place in making his life work and helping him get to that place in his marriage and his professional life.
Oh and I told my husband– if EVER he needs to make a speech– THIS IS ONE to emulate. not the recent Ben Affleck admission that he felt trapped in a marriage and that’s what cause him to start drinking.
So what do you think- did you like Ben Afflecks’ honesty about his marriage?