My daughter is 15 and I have already been the recipient of her not so discreet reminders that she is not my little girl anymore (or ANYONE else’s for that matter). I can NO LONGER choose any clothes, backpacks or school supplies without her written consent and input. She has very definite opinions about her likes and dislikes and try as I might to sway her to my way of seeing the world- girlfriend has got her own view and take on this planet. This has become even more clear on our last shopping jaunt for the quintessential dress for a sweet sixteen and I have been schooled on the fact that OUR TASTES differ ( a bitter pill- but nonetheless ONE I must swallow).
Which brings me to the sweet, Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana, the doe eyed, brunette Daddy’s girl whose biggest rebellious streak was wearing that platinum blonde wig– who is now clearly ready to move on- or at least that would appear to be the case based on all her tattoos, piercings and the chopping off of her trademark locks.
I get it Miley really I do. I was once a strapping young doe myself itching to unshackle myself from the good girl image my mother was so intent on me emblazoning for all the world to see and acknowledge via my appearance. So I did what any other self-respecting blonde haired 17 year old would do- I bought a box of black dye and dyed my hair. But I have to say- it didn’t bestow me with that magical sense of vindication or new identity I so desperately wanted- rather with hair that turned kinda orange in the sun ( not the good kind) and well- it would be years until I realized that change came from inside and had very little to do with the outside.
For the record I am NOT anti-tattoo, piercings or short hair– I just don’t want my kids to revert to these things without at least consulting me and having an in-depth understanding about the permanence of such decisions.
So to my two sweet little kidlets- this is my open letter to you- and especially to my feisty redheaded daughter- PLEASE don’t mess with the natural beauty so divinely bestowed upon you. I hear you- I will listen to you, you just need to communicate with me– You have my attention. You don’t need to make sure I’m listening by carving up your body, permanently inking it or hacking off all your hair. I’m your mother I’m always listening.
What a great post! On the other side, I allowed my daughter to have her hair chopped simply because she was tired of having long hair and wanted something different. She didn’t do it for attention (mine or anyone else’s). My 9-year-old told me that she had been thinking of asking me if she could get her hair cut for a few months and understood that she would look different from her friends. She loves it and doesn’t want to go back to the constant tending and maintaining of long hair. Thanks again for a great morning read!
Great post. I couldn’t agree more, and makes me even more thankful that both my girls are leaders, and not followers in this digital world they are growing up in. I don’t know how I got so lucky?>?>
I am going to play Devil’s Advocate here… what if a girl just LIKES tattoos and short hair and piercings? What if she is not doing it for attention at all, but simply enjoys the way it looks? What if long hair and girly frilly things are just not her style?
I had long hair my whole life because I was told that long hair is what guys like. I didn’t tattoo myself because everyone threatened the permanency of it and how I would regret it. Then one day I realized that it’s my body and I can do what I want with it. I wasn’t going to regret anything, because I look at tattoos as a timeline marking different parts of my life. It wasn’t that I was going against anyone else, I was just being true to my own self. I got plenty of loving attention from my parents. It wasn’t a rebellious thing. I just liked the style. So I got a tattoo when I was 18 and cut my hair super short. I met my husband with both of those things. We have both gotten many more tattoos since we got married. It’s just what we like.
I understand that’s not for everyone. But I am truly happy that I went with my gut. I found a loving partner that feels the same way and my parents and I have a wonderful relationship. I am now 38 years old and still dye my hair fire engine red.
I don’t mean to sound negative at all about your post. I do truly understand a parent’s point of view. When my daughter wants to wear certain things, I cringe, too. But I do let her (as long as they are appropriate for the situation) pick her own clothes and wear what she wants simply because it’s her style. Because I may not like it doesn’t mean she doesn’t. In the end, I feel like outward appearance means little.
I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my comment. I just wanted to give another perspective. 🙂 Hope you have a great day!