I’ve mentioned this before but it is worth repeating since it is a fact that is GERMAINE to this blog post. I was raised by a hypochondriac mother. That’s right- if I even told my mother my head was hurting me- I’d be at the next available neurologist for an appointment. My mom would skip the Tylenol, the go lie down and rest and take it to the next level. As a child the way your mom raises you becomes your normal, mainly because at six years old you are not comparing notes about MRI’s and headaches with your school cronies; the health aspect and maintenance of you is taken care of by your parents and so you take your cues from them.
And while I have tried my best NOT to live with a black cloud hanging over me- not to FREAK OUT and schedule an MRI each time my kid tells me she has a headache ( although the fact that I live with a man who thinks I am FINE unless I am lying in a pool of my own blood probably DOES help things) my childhood initiation into the world of POSSIBLE MEDICAL DISASTERS does seep into my adult life and my parenting every now and then. To be more specific; when I get a call from my child’s school nurse at 10 am here are the 3 things that RUN THROUGH MY MIND ( thank you mommy).If I wasn’t raised by a hypochondriac I would think I would get a call saying: #1 He forgot his homework.
But my #1 is: He was handing in his homework and he fainted.
If I wasn’t raised by a Hypochondriac I would think I would get a call saying#2: He fell on the playground and just got a few scrapes and bruises.
But my #2 is: he fell on the playground and has to be medevaced to the hospital for internal injuries.
If I wasn’t raised by a Hypochondriac I would think I would get a call saying #3 : His stomach hurts him.
But my #3 is: His stomach is hurting him because he needs to have emergency gallbladder surgery.
If I wasn’t raised by a Hypochondriac when the nurse called i wouldn’t get so panicked I felt as though I could vomit. But this morning as I answered the phone and felt the bile rise in my throat- and the nurse told me he had a BLACK EYE- immediately I think- OH NO he’s gonna need an eye patch like that guy on Mad Men. Of course the nurse went on to explain that some first grader was running through the hall and knocked his head right into my son’s cheekbone. I immediately think- how my son’s head is always in the clouds busy tabulating NBA stats and that is why he didn’t notice this first grader making a beeline straight for his cheekbone. Luckily the boy wasn’t carrying any sharp objects in his hand ( my other immediate thought which then would’ve been the catalyst for blinding my boy) and my son just has a nice big shiner.
BUT GOSH am I the only who immediately morphs into HYPOCHONDRIAC mom?