Before you get the wrong idea- let me preface this blog post with this disclaimer this is actually a question that a very sweet twenty-something newlywed sent me on the Married my Sugar Daddy Facebook page (which of course has me giddy- being that my purpose in creating a page was to have a space where we could all bellyache and divulge what really goes on behind the closed doors of our marriages- be them with a sugar daddy or that random dude you got hitched to).
Actually my mother is more like a contemporary with my husband in fact every once in a while they'll collectively reminisce about watching the first runs of Howdy Doody and Gunsmoke. Although tell this to my husband and he will say, “Your mother and I are: WORLDS APART- i.e.- even though your mother is only 10 years older than me, I would NEVER subscribe, as she and your father did, to the Doo Wop craze that has middle-aged women like her buying up Frankie Valli CD's like they're water in a barren desert.
This lovely girl, who shall remain nameless, sent me this letter which I thought I would share- because anyone who's been married- unless you live in a manufactured reality, otherwise known as an hour long drama on television (where doctors pull all night bedside vigils with their ill patients, couples talk in bed as opposed to watching the tube and smoke monsters reign supreme) you've likely dealt with a similar situation- a parent who is not all that fond of your spouse. Of course when you factor in the age gap as my mother initially said of my husband when I introduced them 18 years ago, “this man is a Svengali who is trying to control you” most parents are likely not pleased as punch when you bring home a guy who is closer to their age than yours.
In her letter she talks about her sugar daddy husband who is 17 years older than her and has a daughter that is just a few years younger than her. But she stressed that he was the first guy she felt really connected to “and believed that his previous marital and fatherhood experiences imbued him with a level of empathy and compassion she hadn't found in any of the other guys she'd previously been with. Yet her parents were horrified when she and her sugar daddy married- and although it's been six months of marital bliss her parents are still very standoffish and unable to fully embrace her husband.
She asked for my advice so why am I putting it out here on the blog as opposed to writing her back? Because I honestly think no matter how many years physically separate you and your spouse-so many of us experience a rough patch with our parents and or in-laws when we get married. I think ultimately as a child (no matter if you're six or sixty) you always want your parent's approval. But I also feel when it comes to your marriage sometimes you need to exercise your right as an adult to make your own decision. This marriage sounds like it is going along swimmingly well- except for the fact that this woman's parents are still unable to accept their son-in-law's older status.
My advice: Stay with this man- and rather than try to explain to your parents why you love him- have him demonstrate through his actions what makes him such a wonderful person; i.e. have him shower your parents with fancy dinners, cruises and pinkie rings (I kid)! No, have him demonstrate his loving demeanor to them and the attributes that have essentially made you fall in love with him. Still if your parents will not be swayed you need to let it go, you need to create a life for yourself- and as long as you a get up every morning, look in the mirror and feel good about the reflection staring back at you well for now, that's enough. Hopefully your parents will come around like I said my mother was convinced my husband was a Svengali but I'm curious what others have to say.
How have you helped to bridge a divide between your spouse and your parents? Have you been successful at it- or is it a work in progress you're still struggling through. Or have you made your peace with the fact that they'll never get along and will at best exchange simple pleasantries to another tell us .. Inquiring minds want to know