I really believed when I was smack in the trenches of arguing with my husband about not wanting him to buy the no-frills diapers- since my kids ALWAYS leaked through them- that once the stage of them being completely dependent on me for their basic needs was done- I’d be in the homestretch. But No one tells you that the hardest part of motherhood is when your kids grow up.
I thought those early years- getting up at the crack of 2am to heat up a bottle (which I only realized after my second baby- was as simple as popping a cup of water into the microwave as opposed to boiling hot water over an open flame for 20 minutes) was the grueling part of motherhood. But the thing is- during all those early years- motherhood’s challenges are primarily physical. They test your endurance, school you on how to be a muti-tasker and at times make you feel like you are operating on auto-pilot. But your kids-unless they’re dragging around a soiled diaper- are for the most part, happy, smiling little babes, who let you dress them up and create your very own mirror image in them.
Then they grow up- and of course, no one tells you that is when the real work begins then. As my kids have gotten older, the questions- that seemingly come out of nowhere have begun to permeate our every conversation at this breakneck pace- and my inability to keep up and juggle all their feelings, thoughts, self-esteem issues, confidence and little egos feels like a balancing act that is simply impossible.
I often feel ill-equipped to be the source for all these pressing concerns- like; who the hell am I to answer all these questions, assuage their fears and am I enough to be able to raise these two individuals and arm them with everything they’ll ever need to become independent enough to feel okay on their own. And I know I’m not alone in these thoughts, in my insecurities about motherhood. But honestly I just wish there was a manual that would fool-proof every impulse I have and make sure it was the correct one. The truth No one tells you that the hardest part of motherhood is when your kids grow up, no one tells you what an awesome responsibility this motherhood thing is- and that there are no guarantees it will all end up the way you want it to.
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Which brings me to this incredibe poem by Khalil Gibran…
“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.” ― #KahlilGibran
It was hard on me when the kids grew up and left. My brain knew they were going to be just fine but my heart was broken. Next they get married which is exciting but the grandkids are the best.
I actually keep hearing that I need to cherish EVERY SINGLE MOMENT with my soon to be son because he will grow up so fast! So I am trying to enjoy every Braxton hicks contraction right now lol!
It is most definitely a marathon when it comes to parenting. My kiddos are all getting a bit older now and helping them with school work and getting dinner ready and keeping the house clean is not an easy thing to do. I love this poem.
Oh gosh, I so agree with this! My son is 16 and I can’t believe it. My daughter is 11. I feel like just yesterday she was running around in her princess dresses.
Kids getting older definitely makes things more difficult. I can’t believe how many questions that my daughter has! She asks so many!
Fighting back tears as I write this. I’ve got college kids now and it’s been difficult. My best friends passed away within days of each other over the summer not long after my kid graduated high school. We had made plans to travel now that I would have a college student. They’d been empty nesters a year or so before me and told me the first few months would be difficult… for me. They KNOW me so well. I know they’re smiling from Heaven as I did it. Tons of tears but I made it thru his 1st semester of college.
We have two daughters, one is thirty, the other nineteen. The thirty year old have two babies. I love having grown daughters, they are amazing. I think life is easier and we are a lot closer than when they were young.
I can’t even think about this right now without wanting to cry. I miss when my kids were 4/5!
I can’t imagine what it is like seeing your children grow up. Have them grow from babies to toddlers to children to teens and then into adults. It must be amazing but also bittersweet too.
Yes. My daughter is 33. When I took her to college it was a sudden realization that I was no longer Mom with a capital M but mom with a lower case m. So hard… I bawled for weeks.
It isn’t so hard to deal with kids getting older. I’m an empty nester now and I get sad sometimes, even though both my kids turned out great.
I can totally relate! And it seems like people always say how they expect it to get better after the toddler years or terrible twos or whatnot, but it just changes. Being a parent is definitely hard, and we are constantly faced with challenges.
All the moms of the world will agree with you. Being a mom is so beautiful, but at the same time is a huge responsability! And yes, there are no guarantees it will all end up the way you want it to!
I’m not a mom so I really don’t know what that’s like but I don enjoy and appreciate my parents a lot more as an adult kid. You’ve got this!!
I am starting to see this right now. I have two middle school aged boys and they love being independent. I came in the other day and my youngest son packed his own lunch! Is it bad that I was really sad? I want him to do things on his own but can I at least pack your lunch! 🙁
Not a mom yet. But I can imagine my Mom going through this. It must have been hard for her. I will appreciate my parents more from this day.
As someone with kids who are still pretty young, this was so interesting to read. I thought it was supposed to get easier! 🙂 It shows what an amazing relationship you have with your kids that they can come to you with their questions and concerns. I hope I have this too!
Yes as kids growing their behavior also changes. Tantrums changes. My daughter and son want to ask why why on everything.
My oldest is twelve and I’m already feeling these feelings! Such a good reminder though to really enjoy our time with them. 🙂