Although I was super excited about my mother’s FORAY into the dating scene after a 51 year absence and had made grand plans ( in my head) about how this new guy would be THE ONE, my mother is not convinced. And while it is true that this guy that she met looked absolutely nothing like his photo on the dating site– in doing a comparison it would appear that the picture might have been from 2005-after meeting him I thought it was at least worthwhile to pursue a second date.
Me, “Mommy I don’t understand, why don’t you just answer his phone calls?”
My mother, “I thought about it and I cannot go out with someone like him. Did you see how long his fingernails were? His hair was combed over and his pants were dragging around his ankles. I can’t be seen with him in public.”
Me, “But Mommy he has been living alone for a few years, maybe he doesn’t realize that his nails are too long? Maybe he just needs a woman to GENTLY help him adopt better grooming habits.”
My Mother, “Please, I get depressed just thinking about it. Did you see his socks? They were filthy?”
Me: “Mommy- I think you need to give him a chance. Go out with him again- you can help him!”
My Mother: “Men don’t change.”
So that is where we are at right now– my mother truly believes that it is not worth it to go on a date with someone if they possess qualities that she does not prefer. She believes in doing so she is setting herself up for failure- as this person will ultimately not change the characteristics that turn her off. And to some extent I agree with her. I also think a person’s age and stage of life factors very heavily into the equation. Case in point: I met my husband when he was a 38 year old bachelor, and while I think I have transformed him on certain levels ( he always says, ” YOU STARTED AT THE TOP WITH ME” ) there are certain behaviors of his that no matter how much I abhor and have begged him to change- at 38 years old it was just not in his DNA to do so. He was so set in his ways- they became a part of who he was. And I’m sure a man of 71-years-old is probably even that much harder to change.
Still I believe that you can’t judge a book by its cover. I think you have to give a person at least a second date to truly know if their habits are deal breakers- or if their personalities or so rigid that it would be impossible to have them change even slightly. Unfortunately my mother says she doesn’t want to be DEPRESSED and know she can DO BETTER. And so she will not be giving this guy a second chance.
What do you think– is it possible to change a person?