I always marvel at men and women who manage to reinvent themselves after a divorce- with their kids in tow. To re-establish their families and create new relationships for themselves and their children- in essence to give birth to a blended family. It is a feat in and of itself- and one of these mothers ( who happens to be a friend and whip smart woman in her own right) is sharing the challenges and triumphs of her modern family with us in her column MY MODERN FAMILY. This week she tackles Post Divorce Dating 101!
Guest Post By Tanya Green
One thing that I’ve come to realize about happiness is that you have take it when it’s staring you in the face. There’s always fear, doubt and skepticism that keeps us from being truly happy. There’s rarely a time when we think, wow life is just amazing right now. It’s more likely that we send out a search party for this perfect state of happy and shockingly somehow there’s always something getting in the way.
When I first met my husband Will, I was only one month freshly single and I was adamant that I couldn’t date yet because it would just be ridiculous.
I thought really, how can this guy be anything real if I’ve only suffered such a short amount of time. I went to a number of people with this dilemma and most were against this dating-one guy-after-one month of single life-idea, but then there were a few, including my amazingly understanding mother, who said, “Who cares about time? What would be the point of dating others? To hopefully, one day, find the guy that’s standing here in front of me?” Sounds ludicrous, right? And yet this is what I was contemplating.
I had so much self-doubt and had so many questions about my decision-making abilities (having divorced just one month prior) that I thought there could be no chance that happiness would be right there – for the taking- waiting for me. I almost let it go because I thought I needed to wait longer to be truly happy. Holy crap, what a major life-altering mistake that would have been! My husband always mocks me that I don’t just date, I date and get married (my experience in life thus far) and that’s precisely what I was afraid of. I wanted the glamour of dating various guys and going to parties every weekend. Drinking until 4am and going home with, dare I say, random strangers. And then I woke up. Didn’t take too long, but that’s my impulsive nature, give me a project and I’m on it. I realized, this isn’t my happiness! I love family time, and as one of my friends pointed out to me thankfully, I didn’t get divorced because I didn’t like marriage, I got divorced because my ex didn’t. So I decided to take the plunge. Date exclusively and, against most people’s advice, my future husband moved in with me after 4 months. And I have never been happier. Sure we have our moments of disagreement but I can count those times on my hand. Happiness is available. One just has to recognize its probability and proximity. Then grab it and hold on to it for as long as possible…
Originally born in Kiev, Ukraine, Tanya Green is proud to call New York her home for the majority of her life. Besides teaching some of the best kids in our city at Brooklyn Technical HS, she’s a mother to three and a wife to one
She enjoys molding young brains and getting to know teenagers outside of the parent perspective. But even more so, she loves raising her two amazing young daughters and the newest addition, a little man. With a second marriage that has taught her so much about love and life she hopes to inspire others who may be struggling with the concept of life after divorce.