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  • PRIVACY POLICY

If you spy on your spouse and you find out he’s been unfaithful, then what?

September 27, 2016 by Melissa Chapman 18 Comments

After having witnessed friends and families whose marriages have imploded after infidelities, there is a part of me that does not completely trust my husband. And so if I had to categorize myself – I’d probably label myself a snooper.  I’ve been known on occasion, to question him about the names on these pieces of paper, perhaps in a surreptitious attempt to catch him in a lie- or perhaps just to keep him on his toes. While I trust him implicitly with my life and the lives of my children and I feel confident that he would never forsake the sanctity of our marital vows…I still find myself looking through his wallet, his jacket and jean pockets and even occasionally checking his cell phone’s incoming and outgoing calls.  Perhaps my propensity for snooping is because I’ve seen too many Lifetime movies where the unsuspecting wife finds out her husband is leading a double life, or maybe I’m just a paranoid New Yorker. Oh and just for the record- I KNOW he has never, nor does he ever, harbor any desire to check up on me.

If you spy on your spouse and you find out he's been unfaithful, then what?

Photo courtesy of Visit not.pulpcovers.com

Of course I’ve always said that if my husband was cheating on me, he’d be pretty lousy at keeping it a secret. My man is forever leaving scraps of paper littered about, many scrawled with phone numbers and he NEVER empties his pockets out. Not to mention that he is honest to a fault. In other words, even if I want him to tell me one of those little white lies- about the size of my bum- he cannot do so- as he is incapable of being anything but truthful.

However, living in our internet world of Facebook friends, private messages and texting– how can any of us truly be sure our partner is not carrying on some sort of clandestine affair of the heart- WITHOUT SNOOPING?  But I guess the real question is– once you actually find something– how do you confront your spouse when the way you found out was by violating his privacy?

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Filed Under: Featured, Husbands & Wives, MMSG Tagged With: Infidelity, marriage, spying on your spouse, what to do if your spouse is unfaithful

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Comments

  1. Rosemary says

    September 27, 2016 at 9:38 am

    It doesn’t matter how you found out. Infidelity trumps everything else.

    I would also add that there is a difference between privacy and secrecy. Everyone is entitled to privacy. But no one is entitled to the kind of secrecy that hides relevant information from their relationship partner. Whether it is an affair, gambling away community property, or drug addiction, if it is something that impacts the relationship, it is something your spouse has a legitimate right to know, You don’t have the right to unilaterally change the terms of the relationship (eg. an agreement to be faithful).

    Reply
  2. Jeanette says

    September 27, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    I have no idea how I would react! I know I’d be very upset and very hurt and then from there I guess I would have to figure out what I was going to do.

    Reply
  3. Tania says

    September 27, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    That’s a hard question to answer without knowing all the details. My first reaction would be to leave, but I’ve seen friends go through it, work it out, and have happy marriages. It would definitely be difficult to trust again.

    Reply
  4. Jennifer says

    September 27, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    I can’t imagine! I’m nosey in general, so I would definitely fall into the category of being a snooper, but I don’t know how I’d react. I mean, I’m sure I would confront him, but after that? I really don’t know.

    Reply
  5. Shauna says

    September 27, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    Oh lordy, I have no idea. Ha! I guess that I have never thought about it since I trust my Hubby so much. I would say that I would not be the forgiving type and our marriage would be over

    Reply
  6. Sherry says

    September 27, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    I honestly don’t know what I would do in that situation. I am nosey by nature and I know I would blow a gasket to start with but other than that I have no clue until it happens.

    Reply
  7. Seattle Travel Blogger says

    September 28, 2016 at 12:17 am

    I agree this is a difficult subject.

    I do think with all the technology out there, it becomes more difficult to lie.

    Reply
  8. Alicia says

    September 28, 2016 at 12:19 am

    I think regardless of how one finds out their husband cheated the cheater is in the wrong. I’d just consider myself lucky that I found out!

    Reply
  9. Ann Bacciaglia says

    September 28, 2016 at 12:48 am

    I would be so angry if I found out my Husband was cheating on me. I would probably put all of his belongings out in the yard.

    Reply
  10. Tammi Roy says

    September 28, 2016 at 12:50 am

    It is a lot easier to spy on a loved one with social media. I would be so upset if I every found out my Husband was cheating.

    Reply
  11. Liz Mays says

    September 28, 2016 at 2:56 am

    That would make me so very sad to find out. Although I wouldn’t spy, I’ll never let my guard down. Any of us would be crazy to, right?

    Reply
  12. Chelley @ A is For Adelaide says

    September 28, 2016 at 3:21 am

    Yikes… I don’t even know how to answer that. I feel like with all these TV shows and Hollywood drama, we are conditioned to think it will happen to us. I choose to keep our lines of communication open and respect my husband’s privacy as I expect him to do. If something comes up in the future- I hope we can discuss it as it pertains to our relationship’s current place in time and go from there. We’re all human and make mistakes… but some mistakes cannot be erased.

    So… I guess, i don’t snoop, so I don’t know what Id do bc I don’t think that way!

    Reply
  13. Amanda West says

    September 28, 2016 at 3:33 am

    What a big question.. I don’t even know how I would react to something like that. I don’t snoop in my husband’s things, but would hope that he takes our vows seriously as I do.

    Reply
  14. Robin Rue says

    September 28, 2016 at 10:59 pm

    I would be truly devastated by something like this if I found it out. I would love to think that my spouse is nothing but truthful.

    Reply
  15. Jaime says

    September 29, 2016 at 3:11 am

    As somebody said- no matter how you found out, it’s devastating but also, if you don’t trust your spouse and then go looking for it, you will always find it. When I was younger, I didn’t trust my ex-husband and that set us up for failure. I guess maybe that’s why I stay single now, lol

    Reply
  16. Jessica says

    October 7, 2016 at 3:02 am

    I have been married for over 11 years now, me and my husband met in the church many years before we started dating and we had a loving relationship until my husband started acting strange by getting very angry over little issues,coming home very late, refusing to spend time with me… I was then introduced to some professional hackers who helped me hacked his phone’s texts and calls successfully.I already promised to get them more customers as they offer lots of hacking services, you can contact them on zeushackers01@outlook.com

    Reply
    • Mary says

      November 1, 2016 at 1:01 am

      Thank you Jessica, I also contacted zeushackers01@outlook.com. Those guys are the best and helped me hack facebook account within few hours at a very cheap price.

      Reply
  17. Lina Ann says

    April 23, 2022 at 2:29 am

    It was so embarrassing and sad because basically, i suspected that my partner is cheating on me but i wanted to be sure before taking any action. Until I decided to take a chance to know, knowing is better than self doubts and it was exactly what happened when I employed the services of this particular EXPERT I came across through a friend at work to help check his phone. Now I know when he’s telling the truth and how to curtail him, I think it is not a drastic step if it’ll make you feel better. My life got better, I stopped using my precious time to bother about his indiscretions and my productivity has been okay since then. for any job here is the contact
    HELP(at)THESPYLORD(dot)COM for more professional services.

    Reply

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