The mother daughter relationship I’ve come to know firsthand, having been entrenched in it for almost 14 years with my daughter-is by far one I walk on a TIGHTROPE. Having been in a relationship with my mom for the past 41 years it is only now that I have a daughter that I have been able to truly comprehend this delicate, complex and yes sometimes heartbreaking bond.
It is hard to articulate what it is like raising a daughter in 2015. Looking back now the early years were like a cakewalk; when she would clamor for my approval, when she would hang on my every word, when she would look at me like I held the key to her heart- when I believe she believed that I had all the magic. I guess it is kind of heady to have a mini person who sort of IDOLIZES your every nuance and who lets you read her like an open book- with no restrictions. Slowly though as she begins to feel the need to be the teller of her own story- you feel her slipping away and although you want to wrap her up in that cocoon the two of you so cozily inhabited what now feels like so many moons ago- you know the best thing you can do is let her put on her wings and fly– but always knowing that YOU are her soft place to fall.
And so we embark on this next phase of our mother/daughter relationship and journey where I am no loner the incontrovertible leader- of course I am still her mother ( which I like to remind of her every so often for good measure) but I need to let her decide who she wants to be. I read this beautiful post Raising Teenagers: The Mother of All Problems which describes this awkward life stage and this passage struck right to the core for me:
“Lately I’ve become aware of a dissonance, a dislocation, as though a familiar text had suddenly become illegible to me. What she needs is different from what I think she needs. Perhaps it always was, but she’s had to grow up to be able to tell me. Sometimes — when I’m brushing my teeth or chopping vegetables, when I’m not thinking about her at all — she’ll come and stand next to me and say, Give me attention. At other times, like now, I feel I’m forcing myself on her, like an insistent hostess forcing food on her guests. I don’t want to force, to insist, even at the risk that what I cherish will be wasted. Parenthood suddenly seems like one long litany of force, of insistence, of exposition and declamation; it seems, suddenly, to have contained too much of the sound of myself. When you declaim, you can’t listen. When you insist, you miss the opportunity to learn something new.”
With all this being said- what I treasure most about this new phase of our relationship is watching my daughter truly find her footing- which includes her personal style. I love watching her walk into a clothing store and with the mastery of a 20 years on the job wardrobe consultant on a film set pull out pieces from clearance racks and create outfits that speak to her personal style and sense of self. Keep reading for her Styled By Madison series and her Spring Fashion for Girls on a Budget– all these outfits were only $177!
Outfit #1 Casual Spring Cool!
Cropped Flannel Shirt- Forever 21-$10
Jersey Stripped Shirt Forever 21-$6.99
Skirt- Ruum -$7
Combat Boots- Bakers-$30
Outfit #2 Vintage Chic
E.T. Graphic T-shirt Forever 21$15
Neon Jeans- Forever 21 $10
Flats- Target $5
Jean Jacket Forever 21 -$20
Love this Graphic Vintage T!
Outfit #3 Channeling Biker Chic
Pleather Moto Jacket Forever 21 -$25
Gray jeans Forever 21- $10
Paris Jersey- Forver 21 $7
Boots- Bakers $30
Ready to RUMBLE!
Outfit #4 Feminine and Fabulous
Boots- Bakers $30
Sweater- Forever 21 $15
Skirt Forever 21- $15
Easy, Breezy Fabulous
Outfit #5 Spring Dress Fever
Dress Forever 21- $25
So how are you bonding with your teen these days?!