Tips for Singles to THRIVE this Valentine’s Day

Tips for Singles to THRIVE this Valentine’s Day

Being single in a couple’s world can be tough any day of the year. Valentine’s Day can be especially hard for singles on the one day that is sensationalized to recognize romantic love.

Whether you’re spending the holiday with friends or even on your own, Relationship Expert, Dr. Chandra F. Johnson, an assistant professor in the College of Counseling Psychology and Social Sciences at Argosy University, Atlanta shares some tips to help singles not only survive but THRIVE this Valentine’s Day.

Stay positive for Valentine’s Day:

• Realize that Valentine’s Day is just one day

From movies, to commercials, to social media, we are constantly reminded that life is intended to be shared with a significant other. Living in a couple’s world can unintentionally ostracize those who are uncoupled. If not careful, these individuals can begin to equate their relationship status to their self-worth and significance. For singles who typically find themselves struggling around this time of year, it is important to remember that Valentine’s Day is “one” day out of 365 days.

• Cognitive Reframing/Thinking differently about your situation

It’s important to recognize that there are a lot of singles who appreciate and cherish their singleness, so Valentine’s Day does not present the same challenges. However, navigating Valentine’s Day for some singles requires the ability to cognitively reframe one’s current relationship status.

For some this is easy. They simply see their status as temporary and look forward to next year, or even to next month. They get excited about what is to come, and choose not to dwell on what they perceive as missing. This is a healthy reframe.

Being single does not have to be permanent, and it is not the end of the world. It may just happen to be your “right now”, not your “forever”.

For others, reframing how and what they think about being single can be difficult. If we think back as early as elementary school, most of us looked forward to receiving a valentine from that special person. If it didn’t happen, some of us created an internal dialogue that went something like…”no one picked me, so I’m not worthy of love”, “I’m not good enough”, “now I’m alone”.

Unfortunately, we have probably had this same dialogue with ourselves many times over the years. Fast forward to today, and being single on Valentine’s Day probably amplifies that message. If this is you, I encourage you to challenge that dialogue…because it is not true. I challenge you to reflect on the other relationships you have in your life.

Whether it’s with a parent, sibling, child, another family member, play cousin, friend, co-worker, neighbor, mentor or mentee, etc. There is someone who values you, who recognizes your worth, and who appreciates you. It may not be that “one” person who you desire to have in your life right now, but it’s important to know that you matter to someone.

Activities single people should enjoy:

• Look for singles activities hosted by local churches

Today singles probably have more opportunities to engage in activities on Valentine’s Day than in years past. Recognizing that we live in a couple’s world, many churches today host activities for singles on Valentine’s Day. These activities are often planned by a church’s single’s ministry and offer singles a great opportunity to socialize and engage with others.

Singles are encouraged to visit their local churches websites to see if any happenings for singles are taking place on Valentine’s Day. Start looking early because some activities require a RSVP or a ticket and you don’t want to miss out.

• Plan a get together with friends

Planning a get together with friends on Valentine’s Day is also a great way for singles to manage what can be a difficult day. In countries like Finland, and some Latin American countries like Mexico and Guatemala, Valentine’s Day is just as much about love and friendship as it is about romance and romantic love. The appreciation for friends and friendship is celebrated with the same enthusiasm and fervor.

Singles can plan a potluck, a dance party, a game night with the best board games, or even schedule a cooking class in their home for a small group of close friends. The key is to be proactive. Instead of waiting to be invited, they could be the host and invite their friends. Believe it or not, some of their friends who are married, coupled, or in relationships, will welcome an invitation to hang out and not have to come up with the perfect plan.

• Volunteer or plan a day of service

Planning an evening of service is another good way for singles to occupy their time and focus their attention elsewhere when Valentine’s Day proves to be tough. Research supports the idea that when we take the attention off ourselves, and give it to someone else, our hurt, pain, and fears take a back seat.

Even if just for a few hours after work or school, putting someone else’s needs above our own could be the cure for the blues that sometimes accompanies singles on Valentine’s Day. Singles could consider volunteering at a shelter, a church, or simply helping a friend or loved one in need.

• Above all, have a plan

I think the most important thing is to have a plan. If you anticipate that Valentine’s Day will be difficult, take care of yourself. We’ve all heard the saying, “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. That couldn’t be more true.

Valentine’s Day a good time to work on self-improvement or go out and meet someone new:

Absolutely! Any day is a good day to focus on self-improvement. Valentine’s Day, however, might be that day that motivates some people to go out and get the one thing(s) they feel is missing. There are five steps to self-improvement, especially if you are looking for sustainable change and improvement.

• Five steps to self-improvement

Assessing the various areas of your life is the first step toward self-improvement. This would include assessing your emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual self. More than likely, you’re healthier in some areas than in others. After assessment, the second step involves identifying the area(s) in which you would like to see improvement.

Most of us would say we want to improve in all areas, but for sustainable improvements it’s suggested that we prioritize the areas we want to change and perhaps work on one area at a time. The third step toward self-improvement would be to articulate short-term and long term goals. Ask yourself, what are the short-term changes or improvements that you want to see. What about 6 months or a year from now? What is your long-term goal? The fourth, and most important step, is to develop a plan to accomplish your goals.

Your plan, which is comprised of your short-and-long-term goals and objectives, should be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. We call those SMART goals. It’s one thing to say that your goal is to “get active” in hopes of increasing your chances of meeting someone special. It’s another thing to say that your goal is to “join a co-ed book club by the end of the month”, or “join a gym tomorrow”, or “attend a wine-tasting event two weekends out of each month during the spring”.

Joining a book club by the end of the month is something specific that we can measure. You do it or you don’t. It’s also attainable and realistic (provided co-ed book clubs exist in your area), and it’s timely because you put a time stamp on it, “by the end of the month”. Research has confirmed that the more specific your goals, the more likely you are to accomplish them.

The positive side of being single on Valentine’s Day:

• No pressure/Minimize disappointment

The positive side of being single on Valentine’s Day is that Valentine’s Day lets singles off the hook. Singles do not have the pressure of meeting someone else’s expectations. They also do not have to subject themselves to the possibility of being disappointed by another. Some people in relationships have lofty ideas and expectations for Valentine’s Day. Some of those ideas are simple and meaningful, while others are quite unrealistic fairytales.

Either way, Valentine’s Day can be terribly stressful for some individuals. While the day set aside for romance would generate a completely different conversation if everyone had a romantic love interest, the truth of the matter is that many of those in relationships would probably agree that they’d love to switch places with one of their single friends at some point, even if just for one day.

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