After almost 18 years of marriage, my husband and I have fallen into a major relationship rut. As Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw would say, “We’ve become Mr. and Mrs. Married.” That undeniable magnetism that drew us together, has not necessarily disappeared but after two kids, a mortgage and insurance payments its force has dissipated. And last night while sitting in bed, and realizing that we were both going gaga for …DRUM ROLL…for an infommercial product that could grind down our respective callouses – I realized our quality time spent together needed a bit of an OVERHAUL.
Let me paint you a picture:
Life, and all the demands of raising kids is wreaking havoc on your relationship with your husband; and has systematically robbed you of that passion; that fire that seemed to erupt in your belly, each time you just so much as glanced at your betrothed. In fact, when you look at your husband these days, all you can think of is; did you pay the gardener’s bill, remember to get the car’s oil changed and buy diapers for the baby. And if your husband leaves his shaving cream mess in the sink’s basin just one more time, well you’re simply going to lose it.
The stress of maintaining a household and kids has in effect driven a bit of a wedge between you and your man and that long dormant sparkle that seemed to ignite the minute you saw your love well it’s been all but extinguished.
So I asked Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique, co-authors Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets For Great Sex! for their opinion on how important sex and time with your spouse in your marriage is and here is their take.
“When we make a habit of not being romantic and sexual, it becomes very easy to walk away from that side of ourselves. It’s also a scary proposition to build that bridge back to one another once the distance has been created. Remember the passion and love that brought you together and fight for it. Make romance your priority and your whole family will be happier and healthier.
They offer these two tips to keep your romantic embers burning , which of course will only enhance your sex life- and BIG Disclaimer- I have tried them and I’ll tell you they work.
The magic daily 10 minutes: If you simply can’t physically get away, Dr. Frater and Ms. Lastique suggest that every day, couples set aside 10 minutes to be completely alone, with no interruptions. That includes television, phones, and kids. During these ten minutes, you can talk about any topic that does not cause you stress that means no talk about the kids, work, in-laws or money and instead discuss topics that help you get to know each other again. Is there a new restaurant you want to try, a language you want to learn, a fantasy vacation you want to take, a vision of what retirement might look like? Find out what dreams and goals your partner has today chances are they might be different than the last time you asked.
Commit to making date nights with your partner: The easiest, fastest and cheapest way to transform your relationship is to revitalize your sexual connection. To do that with kids in the picture means setting boundaries and teaching the kids to respect them. You will all be happier for it.
So will you be taking a vacation from your kids anytime soon?
We’re HORRIBLE at date nights. There always seems to be something – and it isn’t the same each time. The most recent was my husband got sick. bleh. Does sitting next to each other on the couch and watching old episodes of Bones on Hulu Plus count? If so, woo-hoo, we had a date night last night! : 0 I clearly need to make a better effort at this……
I think I must be a horrible person because whenever I read someone else gets this I get excited. I can’t help but punch the air and dance about the room once I know I am not alone!
Okay so 4 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 grown step daughters with kids of their own, 2 aging parents who require some help and assistance on a weekly basis… I FEEL TAPPED OUT!
The best sex is always the naughty weekends away or when they all have slumber parties at someone else’s house! We have even begun taking sick days from work just to be able to have alone time. After all it’s not a complete lie if you spend all day in bed.
BUT THERE IS THIS HORRIBLE HEAT FLASHNG, CHIN WHISKER GROWING, WON’T LET ME LOOSE WEIGHT LIKE I USED TOO MONSTER IN THE ROOM…. the 20 and 30 something newly weds in our marriage didn’t have kids to weigh them down but they also had hormones to back them up! It’s hard to admit but the premenopausal maniac inside has trouble focusing, finding her car keys, let alone locating her g spot. 😉