If you’re feeling lonely in your long distance relationship and trying to resist the urge to stray, check out these tips for how NOT to cheat on your long distance love.
Loyalty and loneliness
Being monogamous, when temptation is everywhere, can be difficult enough on a relationship, but add distance to the equation and the temptation to stray simply increases. While you’re completely head over heels for your man seeing him just one weekend a month is beginning to wear on you. In fact, innocent flirtatious exchanges with a co-worker over the past several weeks, have now morphed into full-on make out-session dream sequences that you’re unable to stop from popping into your consciousness.
It’s not that you don’t cherish your monogamous long-distance relationship it’s just not having the daily, physical affirmation, even something as simple as a soft caress of your cheek, or someone to be your couch potato buddy – has you feeling a bit empty and looking for some way to fill that void. While your co-worker’s flirtations, like complimenting your hair or remarking about your sweet nature, initially seemed to fill that gaping void it has progressed one step further. You know you need to nip these flirtatious exchanges, especially on your part, in the bud before they effectively destroy the long distance relationship you’re worked so painstakingly to maintain.
According to Jane Buckingham, author of The Modern Girl’s Guide to Sticky Situations, there’s nothing wrong with a little flirting. Consider it your romantic workout keeping those muscles in shape. But make sure your work workout knows that he is there to pass the 9-5 not the 5-9!
Leading someone on never works out well. Be sure to remind him of your long distance BF and NEVER compare the two or put your boyfriend down,” says Buckingham. Don’t let him think that there is room for him to make a move. This is fun and games, NOT you looking for a back-up plan. If, however, you find yourself suddenly dressing up more for the office, applying lip gloss a few too many times at work, and canceling your trips to visit your supposed paramour, you may want to rethink. Are your affections wandering? Perhaps long distance is taking its toll.
Flirting is okay
According to Ms. Buckingham, like everything else, flirting can be fine if done in moderation. In fact, it can even be healthy! Flirting can be like telling a good joke. The more you do the better you get, and the more confident you will be. So when you are with your true love you will be at your sexiest and most courageous, able to entice him with your come hither wit. Having said that, too much flirting can get you into numerous sticky situations. Men may think you are teasing them. Women may think you are stealing their men, and your paramour may question your loyalty not to mention the havoc it can wreak at work.
Keep flirting to a subtle minimum.
Unless you plan to follow through don’t let it get sexual. And if you feel like it’s getting carried away, just end it by saying you’re funny and walking away. If someone continues to flirt with you and the advances are unwelcome you say nicely You’re sweet, but I would hate it if my boyfriend was talking to another girl like this so let’s change the topic, okay? If he STILL doesn’t get the hint, you may have to be a little less subtle and say something more direct like, Wow, I’m not sure what women those comments work on but it’s not how my boyfriend got me. Maybe that’s why you’re still single. If all else fails, be sure to bring your guy around to the office next time he’s in town. Be as affectionate as possible (without being gross) and be sure to introduce your love to the creep as the guy you mentioned with a notable distaste in your tone. If that doesn’t give him the picture, nothing will!
Top five tips to keep from cheating on your long distance love
It may be old, but it’s true. It takes TWO to tango, notes Buckingham. Or tryst. Or text inappropriately. Or whatever it is you shouldn’t be doing. But to make sure you don’t find yourself turning harmless texting into sexting, keep these five tips in mind.
1. Try not to go more than two weeks without seeing each other.
And visit each other on BOTH territories. Not only will this keep you connected but it’s harder for potential poachers to prey once they’ve actually met you than when you are but a figment of their imagination.
2. Have a date once a week.
No, not really, but instead of just talking by phone while you shave your legs and he (well, let’s not think about that), set up a Google video chat, put on some makeup and meet face to face for 15 minutes. Any longer and you may find yourself stuck for conversation. If you run over great, but don’t pressure yourself to make it the length of a regular date. Or if you like, watch your favorite TV show together so you can hear and see each other laugh just like you are in the same room.
3. Meet in the middle
Being at home means things to do! Mail, laundry, work how unromantic is that?! Instead meet somewhere neutral for a few nights so that you can both relax and enjoy
4. Avoid sticky situations!
Okay so a girl answered his phone. And said he was in the shower¦ and paused when you asked who she was but don’t jump to conclusions! Maybe she’s the housekeeper he’s embarrassed to tell you he got! No one likes to be accused so wait until you are together to confront (er, ask) your boyfriend what the situation is. Be direct without being accusatory.
5. Find a wing woman!
Have a friend who won’t let you do anything when you are under the influence of anything. Alcohol, loneliness, too many episodes of True Blood. Let her know that ANY means are acceptable. If being faithful is that important to you, you’ll let her take you away.
Of course, if your flirtatious feelings are overwhelming and you cannot stick to these tips then Buckingham says talk to your girlfriend!
There is a reason people have friends and therapists. Not EVERYTHING needs to be discussed with your boyfriend, says Buckingham. For instance he probably doesn’t need the details on the big pimple you had that he didn’t see or your new laser hair removal process. If you are just enjoying flirting and remembering what it’s liked to be desired, tell a gal pal. There may be nothing more to it then the sensation of feeling adored.
When temptation crosses into reality
If, however, you are truly feeling that you would rather be with your new crush than your long term beau, Buckingham advises that you talk about it.
Be prepared though. He may not take it well. In fact, he may see it as reason to take a break from the relationship and perhaps that’s what you need too,” says Buckingham. “But don’t wait until you’ve done the dirty (or even the messy) with your flirtation. And let’s be honest, there’s also an emotional line you shouldn’t cross either. If you find that you are sharing more with someone you just met than the person you are supposed to be closer to than anyone you might want to really rethink your relationship.