We Danced Like No One Was Watching
I met my husband when I was 22 years old. Looking back now as a 47-year-old-married-22-years-wife-and-a-mother-to-two-kids-woman it is hard to remember who that girl was, and what she was thinking dating a man who was 15 years her senior.
Of course at the time, while I had been in relationships prior to meeting this man who would become my husband, I never felt truly loved or revered by any of the guys I dated. Actually to be completely honest I don't truly believe I had ever experienced a real relationship until I met my husband.
I was definitely a late bloomer. I was not one of those girls who had a high school boyfriend- or even a regular college boyfriend. Rather I was one of those girls who had the unfortunate experience of choosing to be with guys who NEVER really invested in a relationship with me. Why you ask would I subject myself to “Boyfriends” and I use the air quotes around them because 80 percent of these “boyfriends” felt we didn't need to classify our relationship which I learned was code word for ” I'm not invested in this relationship with you” ? Maybe I didn't think I deserved better and so I chose guys who were unavailable because I liked being told ” My cleaning lady can have a key to my apartment but you can't”? I really can't speak to the girl I was at 22, but I can speak to the very PATHETIC relationships I allowed myself to be in prior to meeting my husband. Maybe I liked the guys who were unavailable because I didn't think I was worthy enough to be in a relationship with someone who was really invested in me.
We danced like no one was watching and took a leap of faith in each other. This #Marriage has provided us both with the confidence to believe in ourselves and each otherThe thing about being in relationships that don't inspire you is that it becomes a vicious cycle. Each time you allow yourself to be with someone who doesn't lift you up and the relationship crashes and burns it takes a heavy toll on your confidence and self esteem.
So I can say, by the time I met my husband July 19th 1997 on the inside I was jello. And at first I couldn't allow myself to accept or believe that someone wanted to be with me for good. For real, all in, no wishy washy- I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit, I can't call you my girlfriend, I can't hold your hand in public, and the list goes on. I think what really sealed the deal for me was when on our second date- my husband brought me a pair of wrist guards, because on our first date I didn't have any when we went rollerblading and I knew right there and then- this guy is IT.
He also gave me the key to his apartment on our second date and didn't flinch. I have to admit having this man in my corner since the tender age of 22 has helped me to transform and grow in so many aspects of my life. I think having his love and commitment gave me the confidence to believe that no matter what I did or didn't do- he would be there.
With my husband beside me I learned that it was okay to allow myself to be vulnerable. It was okay to risk sharing my fears because he was there to help me work through them. He supported me when I chose to leave different jobs because I didn't feel like they were good for my career and or psyche. He has sat up with me at 2am in the morning as I pondered my next career move.
Our lives together have been filled with so many twists, peak high moments and horribly tragic ones and yes there are moments I WISH I COULD TAKE BACK. Yet what has remained steadfast and strong is our faith in each other. This Marriage has provided us both with the confidence to believe in ourselves and each other.
Hi Melissa,
I stumbled upon your website by searching “older dads” on Youtube. I’ve read some of your posts and I must say they were quite refreshing. My marriage is similar to yours however, I guess my husband and I are…would I say… “more brave.” I am 28 and he is 65 (in perfect health and amazing shape). We’ve been together for 3 years and married for one. We are now planning for a baby. The way you felt so strongly about your husband being the one is exactly what I felt. How we feel for each other, what we do for each other, and how much we learn and grow from each other is astonishing! However, most people seem critical and are quick to judge our relationship. Our families and some friends have even rejected our relationship. I often get labeled as a “golddigger” and him as the “pathetic old man who is trying to regain his youth” even though we both are extremely accomplished and mentally stable.
I commend you for taking a leap of faith in your relationship. I’ve learned long ago not to make decisions based on fears but on what is in my heart. I am so glad I did, if not I wouldn’t have such an awesome hubby and the absolute LOVE of my life. Thanks for sharing this article!
-Josie