I’m putting it out there- because this is what I do- I talk about my life and what really goes on behind closed doors on this blog. I’ve said it before and I will say it again- I love my husband, truly, madly and deeply. I can’t imagine a day on this planet without his ever present grunts and quizzical looks at me for something I’ve done that he would NEVER DO, his completely unconditional love of my very essence- stripped down bare. And he has proven this love for me as I’ve laid on my bed these past couple of days so full of mucous it would make any sane person head for the hills as I asked for yet another tea, cough drop and to please stay up with me at 4:30 am and watch The Jefferson’s because I couldn’t sleep to which he obliged.
For the record George and Weezie provide the ultimate comedic relief when one feels like their head is about to explode. But I digress. This is a real issue I’ve come to understand as I enter that phase of my life where I’m acutely aware of these couples’ dates- i.e. married men and women who regularly go out for dinner and drinks with one another, while wives excuse themselves to go powder their noses and husbands get into heated conversations about the stock market and why Derek Jeter is not having the swan song year he should be—and that as a couple my husband and I RARELY go out with other couples and have these powdering our noses experiences.
In a nutshell my husband and I have very few if any couple friends- I sit here writing this as my husband is laying on the couch and watching me- and says, “I don’t think you really care. I think you like the idea of it but you don’t like doing it. When it comes down to getting dressed and going out- it’s work to you and you don’t really like doing it.”
Me: So essentially you are blaming me for us not having couple friends?
Him: I’m not blaming anyone I think we are one of the same- I think we just like each other. I also think that our age difference plays a role in the kinds of couple friends that would appeal to both of us. I also think it’s more my personality- I’m just not a social guy.”
Me: BUT YOU ARE SO FUNNY- you make me laugh all the time (one of the reasons I stay married to you) I wish you would share your wit and charm with other couples.
And this is usually where our conversation comes to a standstill. My husband then tells me to stop worrying so much about what I believe I should have in my life and focus more on what I do have in my life. Which is a loving and devoted husband and father who keeps our little family chugging along.
It’s not really an issue- but sometimes, when I’m laying in bed at night watching the Jefferson’s and their close knit relationship with their neighbors I get wistful for the fact that you won’t often find me saying in passing conversation – “oh we’re off having dinner with the Willis'”.
So please share-do you and your spouse have close relationships with other married couples and if so- what’s the secret sauce to making it work- your shared love of booze, gossip and the fact that you were all born in the same generation so you all get eachother’s Reality Bites references?
We don’t really have any couple friends either. We never have really just one in 10 years of marriage and we don’t live in the same city. It’s hard to find four people who all get along. We do fine socializing in larger groups but as a foursome it never really works.
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My husband and I have lived in the same town now for 5 years and we still have no couple friends. We have invited people over and tried to make connections but haven’t been successful. All we can do is just pray that God will send the right friends and connections our way. It’s very lonely sometime with it just being us and would love to have some social interaction with others but haven’t found it here yet.
This is encouraging me, to know we aren’t the only ones struggling. #aliveinpensacola
Thanks for putting this out there, we have not had couple friends for years as much as we try no one really reciprocated. We are both very lonely and am just want a connection with close friends. The saddest part is that now we’re in lockdown because of coronavirus, it’s not much different to our usual routine. Still hoping we’ll find some friends that want to spend time with us. Just reading that others have similar experiences is comforting.
Dears!! Im 26 and The same way as you. Me and my husband have less friends, and NO ONE couple friends. When was corona virus and everything was closed, and people cannot meet their friends, we were still on this way as before.Nothing change. First year when we were married we have couple friends, but they were jealous, selfish and fake. Im sad about this situation but in my opinion, i mean is better be alone than have fake couple friendship. We have kid right now and situation is same. Our kid is our couple friend:D and we have next couple friend. Cousin with her family, my brother with his family, our dog (why only people can be friend?!:D) … Dont worry.
We don’t have couple friends anymore. . We had those friendships for years when our kids were in elementary school. Things changed once the kids started going their separate ways in high school. One set of friends’ husband and mine were best friends. The men spent lots of time together fishing and golfing. The wife distanced herself from me when her daughter quit being friends with our daughter. She was very unkind to my daughter anD ignored her calls for months. Finally I told my daughter that the friendship was over. Over the next year or so when we went to dinner or events with this couple I felt like the fifth wheel . My husband and this couple had their own language, jokes, and experiences. My husband spent time at their house after the men fished, etc. I told my husband things were different in our friendship, but he just kept saying it was my imagination. Honestly, I thought my husband should put me and our daughter above himself and let his friendship fade since the daughter and wife were no longer friends with our girl and me. I asked him to end the friendship. He did not want to. We continued getting together until on the woman’s birthday when I brought her a gift, she opened the door, let me in and continued her phone conversation while opening the gift, saying thank you and smiling. I left the house feeling so horrible. I never saw her again. I’m angry that my husband is still friends with them both. He doesn’t think he needs to quit being their friend. I think he is DISLOYAL. Fast foward… 5 years later…my husband tells me he had an affair. The woman he had an affair with was friends with this couple. He was telling these people all kinds of lies about me. My intuition was telling me something all that time, I just did not know what it was. . I have been devastated and depressed now for over a year. We are still together cause we have kids. He is still friends with the husband. I’m going to leave him in two years when my youngest graduates. Enjoy your husband. You don’t need friends. They only caused us trouble. He is a selfish person. Don’t know what I saw in him. Well, if you do decide to get friends, Just pick people with integrity and if you ever feel uncomfortable, end the friendship.
Get over it! Ther are many people to be friends with out there. Never assume that th e hand you have been dealt i worse than theirs! (Never assume that your life is harder than theirs!)
Sorry about typos! Also, regarding coulple friends. I’ve been with my husband for 35 years and I have never sought ‘couple friends’. We are both sociable and can make friends independenty. Hopefully they all get on when and if we all meet up. This couples thing sound so false. Just be yourself and be friendly!
Suy. That sounds like a very bad relationship. You only get one life. Take care and good luck. Here is not the foruum but think about a way out if you are seriuously unhappy.
Sorry about the bad spelling and extraneous u
My dear, please let me know you have left him. Staying with him using the kids is an excuse.
I did the same and I regret it.
Yes, I agree, couple friends are not necessary. What you need is a girl friend for yourself not couple friends!!!!!
Sometimes when I am feeling down about something, I pull up google and ask the very question that I’m feeling down about…Misery likes company, that sort of thing! Anyhow, today’s question to the great void was, “Why do my husband and I not have any friends?” Wouldn’t you know, your blog was one of the first to pop up, and wouldn’t you know, it made me feel at ease that my husband and I are not the only ones in this situation. By nature I am a social butterfly that thrives on a social setting, my husband is the complete opposite. I truly believe that if he did not have me in his life, he would spend every hour at home that wasn’t spent at work. What’s shocking is that he would be okay with that! We have been married ten years, and in that time we have had zero really good couple friends, unless you count his twin brother and his wife (but they are family… soooooo…) Sometimes it really gets me down that we fail so miserably in this department (It’s like I have lost my mojo in making friends), and then I inevitably come to the conclusion that it’s more about me craving social interaction than us needing friends as a couple. We enjoy each others company the best, and on the rare occasion that we do have a social outing with someone (had one just yesterday actually), we are always happy when it’s over and we can go back to just being us. So, though it is counter to how I naturally am, I am starting to accept that in marriage I was not meant to have an abundance of friends! Hard reality sometimes… but not such a bad truth since I get to have my best friend with me all the time.
Wow I searched the exact thing and I am in the exact same boat as you. I love meeting new people (most of the time) and making friends, but my husband is awkward and very shy around new people. it’s hard for him to make new friends & when I have arranged ‘play dates’ before, they haven’t gone as smoothly as I would hope. It’s almost like I never realised it until we moved into a really buzzing suburb where there is always something going on and I always see people out in groups having a drink together or sharing a meal. Every weekend now I almost dread Saturday nights because I have an empty feeling. I appreciate him so much but I guess while I was growing up I had an abundance of male and female friends and it has dawned on me finally that it has all vanished right under my nose.
I totally agree, Simone. So glad I am not the only one that feels this way. I don;t know if it is more noticeable the older we get but I definitely see a change. Maybe it’s a “grass is always greener” situation where everyone around us looks like they are having a great time hanging out but maybe they can’t wait to get home! Regardless, hope you find a happy medium.
I’m so happy to know that I’m not alone in my Saturday night misery. Now that we’re married and purchased a brand new home, previous friends avoid us like the plague. I honestly want to change my number and start over because I know the jealousy that is really there. When we had less, people stayed around , now there gone. It saddens me to how shallow and insecure people truly are. But obviously, it the norm and were not alone. Plus, I’m the only one who cares, he doesn’t.
Its very common today karen. Just just have to learn to really enjoy your own company. That comes from starting to love yourself and not rely on others forbyour happiness. I kniw this as o have gone through the same thing. But im trying to change and have more self love. And part of that is not giving a rats..lololo…im very extrovert love theatre. Going to dinner drinking fine wine i travel ectensively and well versed so im no teit thst people woukdnt want to hsng with. What ive found is thst ive just been attracted to the wrong people. Most do nothing its ne that does lots. We are judt nit compatible. Haha just found that out after years…would love to tslk more on this as its a fascinating journey.
Sorry about typos
Same here! I googled “my husband and I have no friends”. I am so happy I came across this page.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years– together for 6. I am in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s. All of our individual friends are still single and, in my case, my friends are still residing across the country in my childhood hometown. To make matters worse, they do not make the minimal amount of effort to maintain a friendship. So we let the ones who didn’t care to stay around, go.
I am bothered by this but my husband couldn’t be fazed. He enjoys the time we spend together and our constant traveling. Although I am terribly homesick and alone, I’m learning to be still and enjoy every phase I am in life. I’m also learning that I like the thought of being around people up until I actually get around them hahahaha.
We have a few things in common! Mu husband and I have been married for 3 years, I’m in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s. Since we got married we have found most of our friends to not be who we thought they were; there was no effort on their part to maintain friendship. It hurt, but my husband is just fine having me around and enjoys the trips we take together. I do as well, but I do have my lonely days. Your last phrase describes me as well lol
Thats terrible but its alive and well these days im afraid.
I just ran the same search and feel glad to know I am not alone. I have had bad couple friends before – toxic – lots of drama. Now I am feeling like I am missing something by not having couple friends, but all these comments make me realize I should appreciate the amazing man I love spending time with and stop comparing myself to others and worrying about what I don’t have
I’ve been asking myself for 10 years why my husband and I stopped socializing, we have been married for 42 years and always had lots of friends in different circles not really groupies cause we got along with everyone. We had so much fun and never stopped doing things but once we got in out sixties everything just stopped and other than neighbor visits we see no one. We even separated for one year and got back together to see if things would change but they are the same. It’s so strange that you cans love someone so much and have a wonderful life together and then all of a sudden you become complete strangers to one another and even tho you still love one another” or think you do” you don’t like each other and fight constantly over any and everything. I know people change when they age but I never thought the two of us would grow so far apart. I don’t even wNt to be in the same room with him most of the time and sadly I don’t even think therapy would change how I feel. I always think about why I was eso happy before and when you think about it you are soo busy working,raising kids and socializing that you don’t really think about the negative in your partner, your too busy living a normal life and now it’s all vanished except for him and you feel trapped I. Their world and have no life of your own. I have no idea why I’m rambling on so much but it sur3 feels good to get it off my chest.
Wow and here I am 4 years later, feeling the exact same, thinking how lonely it’s been and I googled not having friends and here I am feeling a little less lonely reading everyone’s messages, my husband and I have also have had difficulty really connecting with any couples, we’ve come close lol, but everyone seems to already have their ‘group’ of friends.
We’ve lived here 4 years but most of that I was out making a ton of friends as my husband worked nights and I felt it was important to have a social life outside of our marriage and I was proud of the fact that I had plenty of friend dates and groups to hang out with and introduce him to, but all that has changed, many of those people I haven’t spoken to since covid except a text here or there, things feel so different now, priorities have changed, people have changed or moved.
We talk with a couple people about how we should make plans but then nothing ever comes of it. I feel like its time to move onto a smaller community or somewhere further outside of town, I miss knowing my neighbors, the city feels so foreign.
I grew up on a cul de sac where every one was friends and we constantly had block parties and were over at each other’s houses all the time for parties and what not. I hope to find that again someday.
I agree though that we do prefer staying at home, I try to push us to go out and take in things as they start to open back up again, but I definitely prefer staying in.
Honestly, I’m so tired of meeting new people and having to get through that awkward stage every single time, I wish I had people in my life now who really knew and accepted me, I’ve moved so much my entire life it’s never been something I’ve been able to be consistent with.
Wow thanks for letting me read all these comments. I thought my hubby and I were the only ones to not have couple friends. We laugh about it and joke “no one wants to hang with us” At times I feel why? We are cool .. But then we have a date night or just sit home and watch a movie and have the best time together and it assures me hes my best friend. I feel better that …it’s ok to not have couple friends.
I feel the same. I’ve found that I’ve had this same inside joke — we can’t make friends with anyone else — in the past with a few of my very best girlfriend before I met my husband. I am very social and can relate/have a good time with most people, but at the end of the day, I do just want to be with my best friend. And, when we do have social outings with others, we’re relieved when we get home! I guess we will always want what we don’t have! Just have to remember what we do have is what we’re truly wanted all along!
As we’ve aged our couples friends have divorced, separated due to dementia, moved away and we have had friends that have had their spouses die. We keep in touch with the widow and widower but now we only have one or 2 couples left and one couple has a second home near their grandchildren where they are spending most of their time.
We’ be been married for 16 years and we had lots of couple friends but it all fell apart 5 years ago and it’s been impossible to make couple friends. I am not sure what the magic is to click with married couple. I give up on meeting or making friends.
Omg. I feel so much better. I thought i was the only one! Thank you everyone for all your positive comments 😉
I have been married for almost 30 years and I love my husband but I can honestly say my husband and I have never had any couple friends. I’ve had friends over the years but whenever we would be invited to another couples home or to the rare party I felt my husband never fit in. My husband is highly intelligent but I feel he turns people off because he doesn’t know how to have a carefree “guys guy”conversation. It’s embarrassing and frustrating when he goes off on topics that no one cares about or they truly don’t understand where he’s coming from. He’s educated and was an officer in the military but yet he’s never stayed in contact with anyone from his past. I find that odd but maybe it’s just me. The one thing I respect and love about my husband is the fact that he’s not pretentious in the least. He doesn’t know how to relax around people. I don’t think he knew how to have friends when he was a child. I think kids his age bored him to tears. When we had our first child I remember he said people that are parents don’t have friends because it’s too much of a hassle to find sitters and everyone is too busy. I should have realized then we were headed for trouble. Now I will say I see a different side of my husband when it’s just he and I. He can be extremely funny and engaging. No one would believe me. I thinks he’s afraid of getting hurt by people.
I ask myself why do I care what other people think? He is a wonderful provider and a great father. He loves and respects me and our four beautiful daughters. He is our biggest cheerleader and would move heaven and earth to make sure we were happy. He thanks me if I make peanut butter sandwiches for dinner and always compliments me no matter how I look.
I realize I’m married to someone that I don’t deserve. So why am I not happy? Why am I so envious of people who have couple friends. So envious when I hear of dinners or trips they’ve taken together. So envious when I hear how the guys went golfing or to a sporting event. I then become angry with my husband and I completely shut down and shut him out. I want to ask my friends why aren’t we EVER included? Is it me, him or us? I have tried to discuss this with my husband but he doesn’t get it. He’s happy being with me 24/7. It is suffocating. I am his whole world and that is NOT a lie. If I’m happy he’s happy. If I’m having an off day then he has an off day. My friends see how obsessed he is with me. The way I describe him you would think he’s controlling. He’s NOT at all. Just the opposite. Sometimes I think he’s so afraid I’m going to leave him that he puts up with a lot.
Why don’t I appreciate how good he treats me especially when I hear how some of my friends husbands treat them. Is it because I had parents that never got along and had no couple friends? As a child I used to feel so sorry for my parents. I used to wonder why they didn’t “fit in” with other couples. That thought has bothered me my whole adult life. Now I feel we don’t fit in.
When our girls were younger our lack of couple friends didn’t bother me as much because we were so busy being parents. Now that we are almost empty nesters and his retirement is only a few years away I find myself extremely depressed, discouraged and lonely. I’ve been in therapy for years and we’ve been in marriage counseling. My husband does acknowledge things he could improve on but deep down I know he feels this is my problem and why can’t I just be happy. He doesn’t understand why he isn’t enough for me.
I’ve been really struggling with what to do. Like I said earlier I do love my husband but I’m so lonely and all I think about is this what the rest of our life is going to look like. I’ve lost all joy in everything. How can I be miserable when he treats me so well. The problem is all I’ve ever wanted in life is family, a healthy marriage and friends-things that most people take for granted. I’m so thankful but yet sad that there are other women who are struggling with the same feelings. Thank you for letting me express my thoughts and feelings.
Marcia, thank you for expressing your thoughts and feelings so eloquently. I feel that you have just described my life and marriage! I’m a little further on than you in that my twin daughters are currently the other side of the world, perhaps to stay, and my oldest daughter lives nearly 100 miles away. I’m retired and my husband is part retired, he has things he can keep working at and I think he does that so that he doesn’t have to face the reality of a life where we are pretty turned in on each other.
We upped and moved to another city to give ourselves a fresh start. I really like where we are and it’s quite a sociable place but the social situation is exactly the same – I’m making friends and he has taken up a few activities (choir, church) but makes no effort to make friends, instead he relies on me. I feel guilty at how frustrated I sometimes get with him always being around. He makes such a big deal about us being together and how good that makes him feel, I think he doesn’t need other people and he does clearly deeply love me, how lucky am I?! Like yours, my husband is very intelligent and he doesn’t do small talk though with me he can be funny and engaging but in company, I feel he puts people off. He has a few friends from school and they meet once a year and have a weekend of long, deep conversations and that’s it on the friendship front! Otherwise he’s happy to read, read, read and he writes and has had a few books published in a small way and he just lives in his head.
I find social situations with him stressful so I tend to have a few girl friends and otherwise we spend time together and I have plenty of interests so in some ways, I don’t mind but sometimes I get angry with him that I have to do all the friendship work. I wonder what will happen when one of us dies and I fear it will be a lonely life for me anyway. I kind of wonder whether he won’t mind and will just continue in his isolated little world of ideas. I feel mean complaining about him. Clearly men are different and this blog has been so helpful in getting me to see that I’m not alone.
Oh my goodness Marcia you have just described my life! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I know that I am not so alone afterall, Even though I feel quite desperately lonely as my own nest is emptying out. I married a man who is a good provider and hard worker, but who can be extremely controlling and does not have a need for casual social contact like I do. Just yesterday when our sweet lilttle 6 year old neighbour was over for a visit, he barked at me that “this wasn’t a good time”, in the evening my son had a few coworkers over for a pool party, my husband then proceeds to he shut it all down at 8:30 in the evening because they were having too much fun. All i can think is that at the time we met in our 20’s, I was simply insecure. I feel like I have exhausted all of the options to fill my life with friends and activities, but nothing sticks. Not having an easygoing fun spouse over the years has slowly eroded all of our fun and makes for a well kept but empty home. If I could go back in time I would have found my voice years ago and insisted we live at least close to my family (they are a 12 hour drive away), his family is overseas. We have been alone for 25 years. The next 25 are looking the bleakest they ever have.
My husband is controlling also .i very much want friends .i had one but he always found something wrong with her.he works plays games on phone and then goes to sleep .im lonely my son will soon be moving out .what then.im retired and I want to do something other than clean cook .he doesn’t treat me well .about 7 yrs ago he had an affair with a married neighbor .i thought I could forgive and forget but it’s not working .i have to look at this woman all the time .i want to move and make a fresh start somewhere else.make friends .but too scarred he will be too friendly.
Move on hun lifes short. No your worth it.
Well your post is over a year old, but here I am on a Saturday night, at home with my husband/my best friend and upset because in 13 years we have NEVER had dinner on a Saturday night with another couple. We have NO friends. Are we weird? No. My husband is extremely intelligent, he’s a forensic scientist and I am a legal assistant. He, also, is not a “cool guy” in social settings. He was also formerly in the military. I feel like you wrote our story. I am 63, he is 50 and I swear to God I don’t know how to find friends for us. Should we join the local country club and spend thousands of dollars? This would be MY call. My husband is completely happy with just me in the room. If he were a sports-talking, beer drinking, blue collar guy, he’d have a million friends I’m sure. We’re in between that social class of people and the social class of doctors and the lawyers. WHERE are the people like us? But I just looked at him and said, you know what? This has been a really LONELY marriage and I’m depressed that it’s Saturday night and it would be so nice to be out to dinner with another couple, but we have no friends..
Marcia,
Wow I can totally resonate with you and the others on a lot of what you just said.
My story is the same as most here except for a few details. Long story we Don’t have couple friends. I used to yearn for them. Everyone looks like they were having so much fun and sometimes I still envy it just a little. Especially those people that post it on FB / social media looking like their life is one big party or it’s a constant couples dinner night. I’ve always thought we are fun. He’s pretty social and funny and we keep each other entertained. We’ve been married for 20 years soon. He’s always been crazy about me and happy without the friends. He had more of a social life than I though ( before we got married).
Let me tell you it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be, the whole couples thing. We had about 4 couples who always hung out and had a blast in our neighborhood. Best year ever until someone had an affair with the 5th couple that joined in last. It all went to shit. This stuff really happens, be happy with your husbands and how good you have it, it could be gone in a blink of an eye, along with all the friends too. Number one a counselor told me your neighbors aren’t your friends and two not everyone has friends your lucky if you can have one good friend in life .
I say make female friends and do things with them ( chat it up, go to coffee, shopping, hiking) and if you get the opportunity once in a blue moon for a couples dinner great , all of you sound like me or what I did sound like. You all have a good thing . Im really lucky to have my husband still by my side and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t appreciate it. The grass always looks greener on the other side. All of you sound perfectly normal to most people and your not alone in how you feel.
Love your response. If you guys lived close id hang out lolol
By reading all of the comments here, it\’s comforting to know that I\’m not the only one experiencing this. As I type this, my next door neighbors are having a party. The music is loud and conversations are definitely adult in nature. Hearing all of that got me kind of down especially since my hubby is out of town working and me and the kids are alone. I guess as we got older and started having kids, our priorities shifted to work and spending quality time with our family. It gets me down from time to time to think about why we have no friend couples, but I guess we partied hard in our younger days surrounded by friends that we literally have no desire or time now outside of our kids. I\’m okay with it though. After the kids go to bed, my hubby and I usually stay up talking or watch our favorite shows. He\’s all the friend that I\’ll ever need. Now I just wish my neighbors would turn off their hippie music and call it a night….sheesh.
I was feeling down and googled, “My husband and I don’t have couple friends.” Your blog came up! I’m feeling better knowing that we are not the only ones out there. Is it weird that we are both almost 30 and have this problem? I am realizing I need to stop worrying about what I don’t have in my life and start appreciating what I do have. My husband!
I wish he had friends in general. We used to be the couple waited to show up at parties. We were that couple that everyone envied. We’ve been together since I was 17 and he 19, I am now 42. We go no where and do nothing as he doesn’t see the need of having anyone else in our lives. We are at the point in our lives where our kids are no longer dependant on us. We have freedom, but he doesn’t think we need to mingle. He says he has all he needs with me and our 2 kids. And I appreciate that, but it would mean the world to me if even only 2 times a year he said let’s get ready and go to such and such place for a few drinks. Or why don’t we go out dancing. It kind of makes me feel useless and that he’s ashamed to take me places as I’ve gained 120lbs in 2 years due to medical problems. I don’t even know if my marriage will survive due to him not wanting to go anywhere with me. It’s so very sad actually.
It’s difficult in foursomes of two couples to become compatible friends. When it’s just two women becoming friends, it’s much simpler. But when it’s two couples, then:
*You have to get along with her husband
*Her husband has to get along with you
*Her husband has to get along with your husband
*Your husband has to get along with her husband
*She has to get along with your husband
*Your husband has to get along with her
*You and her have to get along.
It was so much simpler when it was just two girlfriends getting together!
I find that it’s easier for husband and wife groups of six or more to get along than two couples trying to make friends with each other. larger groups seem to change the friendship dynamics with couples.
As I said in the previous post, it complicated when two couples try to form a friendship. Much more complicated interactions than just one on one friends getting together and becoming friends.
I guess my wife and I are not alone, we have always been one another’s best friend, we go to functions and I am fairly outgoing, my wife very shy and no good with small talk, had a couple friends that moved away, we had fun with them but have a hard time staying with the few couple friends we have had, maybe we are over critical but it seems one or the other has annoying habits or immortal things, hard meeting couples too, guess it would take them Pershing a friendship, I’ve really never asked anybody for anything
I feel the same, i am 30 and my husband 37. we have no kids yet.We only have one couple friend but they live far. and we dont get to see them a lot. Im so jelous of others that go travel with their couple friends, or have dinner together. The problem is I have many single friends and my husband has just 2 friends that are married with kids, and his friends are always busy with their family which is normal. Im happy with my man but I think it would be healthier if we had more couple friends.
I was awake in the middle of the night feeling the desperate pang of loneliness. Like most of you, I have a wonderful husband. He loves and respects me but somehow, it is not enough. I am longing for girlfriends to just hang out and laugh with. Couple friends are the ideal but somehow, it never works. We seem to be at different wavelengths or are at totally different life stages. I sometimes wonder if my expectations are just too many. I’m also overseas and it is a transient community with making good couple friends only to lose them. It’s so painful for me. My husband feels it too. I think he feels it more for my sake than his own.
The worst thing is that I’ve become indolent. I feel paralysed every morning. I need encouragement to get going, to meet new people, to join the church, a club, etc.
thank you for this blog space. Reading all that you have written has to some extent really helped me. I don’t feel alone with my pain.
I have decided that the only cure for my husbands lack of social skills is to foster the girl friendships that I have. I have reconnected with old friends and make a point of getting together. I try to make friends with women that I meet in exercise class or at other events. Honestly, he is unhappy when I tell him I am going out … but it’s so important to talk to other women. Otherwise, I will outlive him and have no friends. Then what? Girls … we have to plan ahead. Make your own friends and stay in touch with them. Our husbands will not change. But we can change ourselves. (I also found a part-time job … which helps)
I’m glad to learned that we are not the only married couple with no friends. We’ve been married for 22 years. We are a multicultural couple, my husband is from Eastern Europe and I’m from South America. We have a hard accent and we communicate in our second language English….sometimes can be very frustrating. Our sons’ first language is English so there are three languages spoke in our house.
I thought that was the reason that we didn’t have friends to go out. It is hard, but we love each other very much and we are always together doing just nothing ?
Sometimes the effort to build these relationships is just tiring! It’s nice you have eachother.
So glad we are not alone. I can relate to most of you and have felt that pain of loneliness. I’ve decided to invite people over more this year and reach out. I have done this in the past but nothing usually comes of it but promises to get together again, had a grand time blah blah blah. I’m so over it but will try again.
Not sure how I wound up here. Was googling something different, but I read the article. Two kids in college and one still at home. Based on our 26 year marriage, I’ve come to the conclusion that “couples friends” are overrated. Other than our sisters and their husbands, with whom we have a blast, I’ve lost interest in going out with other couples. Usually, it’s my friends and their husbands we’ve done things with. It’s ok, but the guys don’t really have a ton in common. My husband has his golf buddies, I have my book club and tennis friends, and at the end of the day, we’re content to hang with each other. With other couples in the past, I’d find myself comparing our relationship to theirs. That was futile. Then over the years, some of the couple’s hsve divorced. I’ve noticed that the couples with the most friends are not people I’d want to be with anyway. When we were younger, we were in a neigborhood dinner club. There was too much drinking and two of the couples wound up having an affair. I socialize all day, so at night I’m pretty talked out anyway, but I’m an extrovert introvert, so too much socializing drains me. My parents had a big group of couples friends when I was growing up. They had a blast, but the men all worked for GM and the neighborhood was small – just a great group that all hit it off. Sometimes the stars align and sometimes they don’t. Once everyone’s kids got into high school, the dinner club dissolved and we were relieved. We prefer snuggling up and watching Netflix or reading at night – boring, but I like it.
Wow! I was sitting here on a Friday afternoon feeling down for the very same reason, googled the topic and this was the first thing I saw. I too find much comfort in hearing from others in the same boat. The difference with me is that I was married for 26 years to an extremely social man so we always had enough socializing. He died 5 years ago and now I am married to another man who is the complete opposite and quite socially awkward. A year ago, soon after we married, we moved about an hour or more away from family, church and friends and I am finding that the invites are getting less even though I have invited many over. I really can’t decide if it’s because of the move or my new husband. I also am an extrovert/introvert so I often am more than happy to get home. The hard part is that I have friends who have very close circles of friends and I envy them. Once in a while we are invited and I know they love me as a person but we’re not on the “inside” you know? Maybe it really is a case of the grass is always greener and there are far more people that feel like we do than we can imagine. Like someone said, the stars really have to align to have a great group of friends.
I struggle with this issue all the time. I am very social and my husband is a loner, he will go to things but is just as content, actually more so, to stay home. We enjoy each other’s company but that’s not enough for me. I realize I’ve felt lonely my whole life. I was very close to my mom, she’s gone now. My long-time best friends live in other cities. I have no sisters, daughters, nieces, cousins and my husband’s siblings live far away. We don’t believe in religion so going to church to meet people isn’t an option. Unless I’m with my grandson I’m lonely and bored. My son works all the time and his wife is close to her mother and sister, she’s nice enough to me but has no interest in responding to my overtures of friendship. My son told me not to worry about it, that it’s not personal and I get that, it’s just a disappointment, I was looking forward to finally having a female in the family, and with whom I could be friends.
He’s a very intelligent man but not good at social interactions. His father moved them to 13 different schools in 12 years and he stopped making friends because it was too hard to keep leaving them, he just became a loner. I have old friends but when we try to make new ones it doesn’t work and I find myself blaming him for not knowing what to say or how to act. He doesn’t seem to understand that there are things you can’t say in front of other people, I get embarrassed and then angry and resentful. He is a kind man with a good heart but he just does not get how to act in front of other people so as to make them want to be around him. We had wonderful neighbors where we used to live but none where we are now, we downsized to a villa and all the neighbors seem to be elderly and never come out of their homes. He is 8 years older than me and more tired so we aren’t in the same place anymore in that way. All my friends whose husbands are older are in the same boat, the husbands have become cranky old men. But the ones who have couples friends are because the husbands know how to be social regardless of their age. When I met him he had work friends but now he works alone and it’s much worse. I keep talking with him about it and he tries but yet he doesn’t really get it. High IQ, low EQ. So he has no friends, he plays golf on Saturdays but there is nothing outside of that and he doesn’t mind. I don’t want to live the rest of my life this way. I joined a Girlfriends group on meetup and that’s fun when we get together but it would be nice to do things with other couples on a regular basis, people we could count on and they could count on us.
There are people we’ve seen who have never called or responded to us again, how do you not take that personally? Is this more normal than I think but it’s a closeted issue? Where are the people who are “normal” i.e. not toxic that will reciprocate and put in the work to keep the friendship going? I am tired of doing all the inviting, etc. and I’ve just stopped trying. It seems like everyone else has family or close friends but us. Thank goodness for wine, LOL!
Good point..yes where are they…it sucks i know…but people are so consumed with ttheir own lives..theres no time for you…wish i could hug you all…but more and more its quite nirmal
Happened upon this blog. We have moved a few times and live in an area I do not like. My husband and I have no friends . We see a couple occasionally but it’s only if I initiate the get together. We live only 3 hrs. From them but they rarely come visit, executes and then I hear they drove 7 hours to visit other mutual friends. It hurts to be shunned. I wonder what do we do to repel people cause that’s how I feel.
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I been with my husband 29 years he has never had friends over or never goes anywhere with friends,I never invite anyone over and have lost a lot of friends through the years,we have no couple friends,I come from a big family and he doesn’t like to hang out with them either.We have three grown children,my daughter is 26 and moved out and doing well,our sons are 24 and 20 busy with college,work and their girlfriends so I’m alone a lot,I love to dance and have to beg my husband to take me out once in a great while he will but acts like I owe him.I am friendly and he is happy just being at home with me or the kids but not anyone else not even his own mom,brother and sister and one nephew.
We too have no friends! I would desperately love a few friends to hang out with but we get the same response. “We are swamped” and they list 20 things they did in just the last 30 minutes. Holidays like Memorial Day, today are the worst. I envy the sounds of children next door splashing in the pool, the smell of BBQ’s and laughter wishing we were there or hosting at our own house. We don’t have kids at home and we’re in our 40’s. It’s so lonely. However my husband is fine with it. He’s not social so he doesn’t even understand what the issue is. So my Memorial Day has been researching blogs on why we have no friends. And eating pie!
I bet that pie was good 🙂 I know what you mean – my husband and I live in an apartment where everyone seems to know each other and often have get-togethers without inviting us. It’s hard hearing everyone laugh and have fun all the time. Over the last couple of years our friends have disappeared, and life can be lonely. I wish the best for you!
I get this! i’m 27, my fiance is 30 this year. we’re not married yet but have hardly any couple friends. My fiance has his friends but not close to family and i have my mum and dad and him. Don’t get me wrong i do appreciate my life but my life has changed recently. We finally got our own home after 10 years together and had these thoughts in my head of lots of house parties and friends coming round and fun… was i wrong or what?! i changed my job last year aswell where there were mostly girls and now i’m in a job where it’s all lads and im literally only girl. It was ok at first as there was another girl here but she’s now left so it’s tough going and i wanted to keep intouch with my previous work friends as we got on soo well but i seem to be forgotten as they arranged a night out and left me out and another collegue who used to work for team eventhough we were all really good friends.
So now it’s all work and bed… love our home and have grown up in terms of staying in and buying things for house but last few weeks i’m really fedup we have like 1 couple friends… my fiances mates i get on really well with but they don’t have partners and when i do get close to one of their partners they split up…. we’re getting married next year and apart from my mum i haven’t got any really close friends i want to be my maid of honour.
Last year i was maid of honour for my cousins wedding it was all go and at one point we were so close but now we’re soo different she was such a bridezilla last year it was unreal and we’re not close now, we have a difference in opinion in family and i go to see my gran and she doesn’t bother to get intouch.
There is only me and my mum who see my gran as family has fallen apart and when i go to see my gran my fiance will see his friends or go to pub.
Then there is my birthday… ok i am 27 and shouldn’t really make a big deal but i do love a night out and noone is ever free as it’s in November and my fiance says to stop fussing but it bothers me.
I am grateful i have him and my mum and dad as i know there are people out there who have noone and i feel selfish but all i ask is to be invited to the odd bbq/night out now and then. Me and my fiance have always gone out together and i don’t have girls nights outs but now he goes to pub in the day now and then and i like to go out at night and dance the night away… people my age all they want to do is have kids it’s not something that interests me yet i want to make most of my life.
I can really relate to you. I am also 27 and my husband is 30. We got married a couple of years ago and since then, it seems like all the “great” friends we had just disappeared. I too had the idea of friends coming over for lots of house parties and fun, but that just never really happened. Yes, our house is a little far off, but that doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to stop calling or caring. Even my close friends turned out to be untrustworthy, one of them completely cutting me off from her life with no explanation. So, it’s been very lonely. I’m very grateful for my husband and family, but I understand that sometimes we feel a need to have other friends to hang out with or be “invited to the odd bbq/night out now and then”. It’s hard. We both work at home and no one really talks in the gym we go to, so it’s not easy meeting new people.
I understand your birthday is in November. I hope by then you will get to know some friends to hang out with. Best wishes.
I’m 27 and my husband is about to be 30 and I totally relate to this. In my case, I do get invites and I can invite people but they all are from same boat “Judgmental”. They are fine with me as they are my friends but they are not welcoming to my husband, who came to the states an year ago. I am looking for new friendships who we can connect with. Jewelz you and your fiance can totally hang out with us and I can invite you to our place, If you live near my area. 🙂
Glad to hear we are not alone but sad so many of us are in this boat.
I have had difficulty making friendships my whole life. I seem to repel women. But I have come to learn that female friendships are a strange phenomenon – very rarely do you find another woman who loves you for you and is sincerely happy for you throughout life; not jealous of your job, your dress size and your marriage. Gossip moves in quickly and before you know it, you are being excluded. I get along better with guys because I find female friendships hard to maintain. Mine seem to end with me finding out they’ve betrayed my trust. As a result, I’ve become more introverted.
When we met, my husband was a social butterfly. Millions of friends and life of the party! But I fear I have ruined him. We’ve been married 10 years now and he no longer has any friends. He tells me that I am his best friend and that he has outgrown those relationships because he has taken a different path in life. We are people of Faith and now our values and beliefs do not match that of his old friends and mainstream society. I have learned that similar core values are essential in any relationship.
Being in the church is a good starting point to develop relationships but it does not guarantee you friends because outside of faith, you still have to have similarities and things in common. You still have to like these people 🙂 This is what we want to find. Families with the same core values who want to get together that we have a few things in common with. We do have family, but our Christian values differ from theirs as well. Their environments are not always child friendly.
In the meantime, I worry that I have clipped my husband’s wings and that my kids don’t have an extended community outside of our little family. I know I am compensating by scheduling fun activities for us to do every weekend so we can still enjoy life and not feel like we are missing out. But last night, as they called Grandma to please come over and Grandma couldn’t because she was at a BBQ party, I realized that I cannot compensate for social gatherings of family and friends.
So here I am ….
Hey 🙂 I also have had trouble making female friendships. In the end, I only had two that “stuck” with me, until last year when one of them cut me off completely for no apparent reason and the other always has some excuse for not being able to meet me. I have been married for nearly two years now, and since then life has gotten lonely outside of family. Our friends stopped calling and there doesn’t seem to be a valid motive. We have invited people over many times, but it seems like everyone has something to do. Before getting married we had a pretty good social life, even if our faith singled us out at times. Now life is pretty lonely. Our church is pretty small and in our area there aren’t others nearby. I’ll be praying for you.
Why do you have to have couple friends? Why can’t you each just have friends? You may miss out on great friends who happen to be single because of your smug married attitude.
Ooooh Gurl, simmer down. Nobody on here sounds very smug. Many sound lonely.
yes a bit harsh …..
Oh dont be rediculous…with your attitude how could yoy understand
I’m kind of in the same boat. My husband had a lot of friends when he was younger along with all the *fun* stuff like smoking, drinking, drugs etc. We met in college and have been together for 10 years. He’s been depressed and out of work for a year now. Suddenly he’s decided he needs a big group of friends to be happy and fulfilled. We had gone a friend’s of his bday party last night and left early. I’ve had my own anxiety lately and this was partially my fault but it stems from all of the discussions about needing this affirmation from others. Anyways, I’m not sure where that leaves me and my marriage. I have a few ladies thay I hang with occasionally. One couple friend but the men don’t really have much in common.
At this point, one person is fine being at home and going out sometimes and the other wants to seeks approval and acceptance from others (not their spouse).
What do?
I’m in a worse boat. I have family but they dont care and wouldn’t even noticed if I dropped dead! I have to call them or I’ll never see or hear from them. And friends? Is there such thing? I never had female friends mostly because of jealousy. My son is my life. I worry because hes an only child. My husband is not social and a workaholic. It’s so lonely I sleep all the time I know it’s not good but I’m so depressed. I tried joining stuff but people are so rude selfish and greedy in ct its impossible to make friends amy suggestions?
How old are you?? Itsca tough gig meeting friends. Ive been married 35 years with no kids. Im extremely social and very extrovert. Im well travelled and am interested in world issues so i have a lot to say. Try finding people who are the same…not a chance. We live in a world of narcissists that only tslk about themselves. I sympathise with you.
Hey everyone,
I’m really relieved that I’m not the only one that feels lonely, despite having a husband that adores me. Whenever not at work my husband is quite happy to potter around the house doing home improvements and watching films but I feel claustrophobic doing this all the time. I need the company of others and something to look forward to, but it is so hard to make friends as a couple because it is usually if the girls get on the guys don’t. I keep trying to keep up with my own friends but they aren’t so forthcoming either and sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me when I look on Facebook and everyone is out doing things with friends. I get so down about it that I have stopped going on Facebook.
Close facebook and dont compare your life to others. Peoples lives are a perception. But i get whete youre coming from.
I completely understand how everyone feels. I could jumble up all the sentiments above regarding friendships and it would define my current state of affairs. Saturday night, loving husband snoring upstairs(I can hear him!), no plans, no messages from buddies and feeling like the world is painting the town red!
A few years ago, I moved country, fell in love, married and the world that once was at my feet has started to close in around me. My husband tries to listen but i just miss the banter with the girls. Sometimes I catch myself creating a chat between myself and an old friend imagining what she would say and replying…it sounds bonkers but loneliness can be tough. Not to say that my husband is unresponsive… in actual fact he is wonderful but i would just like to vent about daily rubbish like i did with my buddies back home.
It’s been difficult to maintain relationships with old friends and family in my home country. Recently, i had vacation time and instead of flying home and clinging to the embers i went elsewhere. I thought they would be okay with me experiencing a new destination but instead they took exception and instead of replying to my texts my mum and sister are now giving me the even colder shoulder.
This is just a shard of the decintagration that has happened since my emigration. My husband’s ears are worn off him with my utter confusion as to why my relationships with home have been falling apart.
My husband and i are very sociable and we have had friends of my husbands over but they never contact us after…… god… that sounds awful but it’s true. We are always chasing people if we want to create an event. I’m irish and my hubby is American, we’re easy going, liberal and are a good laugh but it’s so difficult to create a friend group.
I commute alone, teach alone (in a huge school),come home alone and deal with 3 step children and a Cersai ex-wife. This alone is causing my world to implode!
I used to be so effervescent, full of verve with a thick skin and ready to take on the world.. now I’m just a shadow of myself in a country where i don’t speak the language and in comparison to my own culture the people are down right boring!!!
I know I really need to burst this pity party bubble and get a life but it’s not easy.
All i can say is that i understand the loneliness out there and this has helped to fill the quiet void that is my Saturday night…
It’s so interesting reading all your comments. I am pretty sociable but my husband has very limited social skills! When we first met he had lots of friends and I had several as well but over the years, and having had 3 children together, we devoted all our time to that and work. I also lost my mum last year to cancer and spent a lot of time with her, especially in the last few years and my dad is now in as nursing home with dementia. All around me I feel that other couples have a great social life with other couples/families whereas me, my husband and kids are fairly self-contained. My kids have good social lives thankfully. My husband has a demanding job and likes nothing more than staying home, pottering etc. I just sometimes feel I’d like the company of friends of both of ours, but he is not interested. I keep myself busy and we still have kids at home but I sometimes find myself dreading what I’ll do once they all leave. Then I feel ungrateful!!
This post is truly great . I am on the opposite site from y’all . I am the introvert in the marriage . I guess it all comes from my childhood – my parents didn’t have many friends . One couples only and even they moved away when I was 8. My mom always told me to be self sufficient and never rely on people but your family . I am very close with my sister so she is my only true friend . I have moved countries twice at 18 then 25 years old . I was married at first very young and my then husband was controlling so I never made any friends for the fear of him not approving me being out . I know stupid and silly the way I think now . It developed into a habit of my adult life to be comfortable alone . I can totally go for a movie or cafe with just myself as a company . My current husband makes fun of me for that and frankly gets aggravated because I don’t like socializing . We almost got a divorce because that argument went super heated . We have seen a counselor that sort of helped things out . My job is so stressful and demanding all I want is to come home and have a glass of wine and watch a show and rest / go to moves / go to try new restaurant /go to the gym on the weekends . Just myself and my husband . Being social is exhausting and large groups scare bejejes out of me . I am not native English speaking person so that accent gets on the way a lot in a crowded place , no one can understand me haha. Anyway . Thank you for letting me share !!!
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My husband is 76 and seems to blame me for not having any friends. He goes off verbally every so often and tells me how much happier he would be if he had griends.
I really don’t care because over the years I have developed an attitude that people will not like me so I don’t even try. He moved me to a semi rural area after I retired so we left what little friends I had behind. None of my siblings or children are close so I am left with the criticism and guilt of being a loser. His family treated me badly and I am 74 so I really don’t want friends now.
I do all the work and try to do whareverse he ask but he seems angry and discontent with me. Pat
I’m so glad I found this blog!! I can relate on some level. I myself googled what you all did and came upon this page🙌🏼 How I see it is this. Life is a test and in the beginning when we were young and fun we let people in to our lives, but we all change and get married, have kids and then realize we don’t want our kids to be around and see the things that some of these people partake in. My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs. At first I would try to make plans with other couple friends but it starts getting exhausting. Too much drinking and then people act inappropriate and it turns into unnecessary arguments with your spouse. My husband works around people all day so he could care less about socializing . I am a stay at home mom of 3 so yes I do crave some adult conversation but have come to realize that my faith, my hubby and my kids are all that I need and all that matters.
You/re right. they are all that truly matter. My husband and I used to be very social but life happened and truly there are so many different variables as to why the social life falls apart….At the end of the day friendships take a lot of work. And people often revert back to previous friendships or old friends. It\’s really hard to make new friends. And I have found that once there is a friend group established, they dont really let others in…..You always feel like the outsider…So you\’re right. Appreciate your faith, hubby , family and health….that;s what is important.
It’s 2023 and I am on the same boat as you lovely people. I am 32 and husband is 35. We have been married for 9 years and have 3 lovely kids. We have moved around the country a few times and although we did make some friends, when we moved, we lost contact. We have now been living in the same place for 5 years and have made no friends. We know people and that but don’t have anyone we can go round to their house for a chat or they come round to ours.. I so feel lonely sometimes but I have come to the realisation that we will never have friends like that I just need to accept this fact.. it’s very sad 😞
Loved reading this article and all the comments, made me feel a bit more normal.
My husband and I have a few friends, but none I could call close friends. No go-to couple, no one we could call for a chat or invite places. We only see each other on special occasions like our kids’ birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s, etc and only because my husband’s sister is the core of this group. Otherwise no one would have any reason to invite us, we never talk to anyone other than on these occasions. We tried, we invited them to visit us, they sometimes did, sometimes they didn’t, but they never returned the invitation. So we’re not exactly lonely, but I do feel the need to have real friends, close friends.
Here’s why I’m writing this: I realized why me and my husband don’t have friends. We’re not the friendly type. We’re too boring, too serious, and too shy. People don’t particularly enjoy being around us. They never miss us. We don’t have anything interesting to say. We mainly ask questions to keep a conversation going and people can sense our insecurity. People often interrupt me when I speak or they just don’t even hear me. I’ve tried to change, but I just don’t know how to do it. As much as I would like to have friends, I don’t know what to say to people and I am scared of real life connections. I’m awkward and I know it. 🙁
I know that my wife and I are not alone, we have always been one another’s best friend, I am fairly outgoing, my wife very shy and no good with small talk, we had fun with some friends, but have a hard time staying with the friends we have had, life take us apart, maybe we are over critical but it seems one or the other has different opinions and thoughts, hard meeting couples to friendship, guess it would take them Pershing a friendship, I’ve really never asked anybody for being always on the best mood.
I’m really relieved that I’m not the only one that feels lonely, despite having a wife that adores me but I miss the friendship of others…
We are in the same boat. We have been in atlanta for 10 years married with 2 kids (3 and 1 year old). We have lost touch with our previous friends as they got married, moved, had kids etc. I have invited several people over but we just do not seem to connect because typically their kids are grown and have nothing in common.
Thank you for this article and comments so I know that I’m not alone. My family and extended family are all in different cities – and I’m all alone here. My husband doesn’t even hang out with his own siblings. We don’t have kids. So it’s just me and him, all the time. I grew up having lots of friends around, and my husband grew up very private. He is not shy or anything, but he doesn’t WANT any close friends. He “doesn’t mind” socializing, but that’s it, just socializing where you make small talks. The worst thing is, when I ask if we can join so and so for dinner or brunch, he complained that I’m not content with him, that I “NEED” to be around other people’s husbands. It’s very hurtful to be honest. Just so that he won’t complain that I “need” to be around other people (or other people’s husbands”, I’ve stopped asking. He’s happy, and I’m not.
Same problem here, apart from we have quite a few couple friends, but I don’t think their the right type. They are all lovely people, but they just don’t like going out, and it’s not like their going out all the time but not with us, they don’t do anything. I want to go out probably every other weekend at least, and every couple we know only wants to go once every 4-5 months.
I just don’t think we are meeting like minded people, we get on really well with all our friends but don’t share the same desire to socialise. We both work from home so we don’t meet new people, and we don’t go out separately as we don’t like doing that, so meeting new people is really hard.
I was wondering how often is the norm for people to want to go out in couples?
My husband and I have been married for 52 years, have 7 children and 21 grandchildren. We used to have some married friends when we lived in England but since emigrating to Australia in 1972 and then being immersed in raising the children and my husband working to support his family, we have had few really close friends. My husband and I are both introverts and are quite happy with our own company, but a neighbour seems to think we have a problem.
We don’t have couple friends either . Both of us grew up moving almost yearly ( sometimes more often , military brat problems 🤷🏼♀️) so making those connections is kind of hard to start with . My life long best friend was murdered 😢also . The main thing is that we like one another so much that we don’t really like other ppl lol … when we are out we just want to hurry and be done so we can go hang out alone .
My husband and I just got into a fight about something similar. Especially now with COVID, it’s harder than ever. Plus we’re spending nearly 24 hours together, which isn’t normal, either!
All I can say is we’re in Jersey and would totally be your couple friends – lol!
Your conversation with your husband is exactly the same conversation I had with my husband last night.
He has many friends he has met over the years through work and is very like able but he does not socialize with them outside of work and I have never met most of them. He and I are both introverts but I am trying to branch out and make connections. I struggle with making friends but the few I have made my husband dislikes the spouses. We have one couple friend who after Covid have become more of acquaintances than friends at this point. I feel very lonely despite my husband being a decent guy. He doesn’t see the point in socializing and thinks I overreact when I get upset about the lack of socializing we do with others. I wish I had advice but you are not alone. I feel the exact same way. I’m not sure the answer and time will tell how long I can last in a lonely, isolating marriage.
I wish we could all hang out
My husband and I moved to our town 12 years ago and have yet to make any real couple friends. Even our neighbors who’ve we known for years all go out together but we are never invited.. it’s like we don’t exist. It’s actually very confusing and hurtful to me. I guess because we aren’t “from” here we just aren’t included. Our Children’s school is very cliquey and again.. we aren’t from here, didn’t go to the same Hs all the other parents did etc and we simply never included. It makes me pretty sad and I feel isolated a lot. I have other mom friends that I talk to but nobody we do “everything” with. We always run into people while our and they’re wirh another couple or group. It’s so embarrassing.
Wow. Here I am, in the new year, 2023, googling “my husband and I have no couple friends”. And then this blog from 2014 shows up and I can’t believe so many others feel the same emptiness I do. For us, I think it was a new life stage (kids entering teens/new school, leaving certain team sports) and we disconnected from dozens of families with whom we would have regular potlucks, kids birthday parties, hiking adventures and more. Just to add insult to the life stage injury, Covid happened. We never reconnected with many of these people ever again. Although it’s interesting that many of these mutual friends seem to have reconnected (or stay connected) without us. It hurts. And it has been a struggle to make new friends ever since. We don’t have the sports, or school events as a “common ground” to work with anymore.
I just came across this article and thought, this is the story of my life. My hubby and I with the 13-year age difference have NO friends, even when people try to come at us in friend mode, it’s an ulterior motive and it never works out. We just accepted the fact that it’ll just be the two of us. However, I’m so used to being in the house I don’t have the energy or desire to dress up to go anywhere. But part of me wishes we were able to connect with like-minded couples and go out. I’d love the change of scenery. This article definitely speaks to me.