It is possible that I may be the last living person in New York City who watches television with a set of rabbit ears- that I need to constantly adjust to keep the signal– but ahh- that is LIFE with MY sugar daddy, who has declared we need not pay for tv when TV is FREE. Okay I did finagle him into getting us one cable box, which we all huddle around like a warm glowing fireplace because FRANKLY I cannot EXIST without basic cable like Lifetime TV and Bravo, but I digress.
So here we are, my Sugar daddy and I watching Antenna TV– which is one of those obscure NYC channels you can get with a set of rabbit ears and there's an All in the family episode playing where Archie Bunker is talking about snagging a second wife and how different life would be were he to get another crack at marriage with a younger version of his 1st wife Edith. So of course this set the wheels in my head in motion– does my husband feel the same way (although were he to date anyone younger than me it would need to be a fetus)and if he had the opportunity- would he take a second wife?
me: what do you think is this mystique around men wanting a second wife?
The sugar daddy: It took us 16 years of living together and learning about each other– so bottom line for me I'm not ever looking for a second. Frankly- it would be too much work.
me: Seriously- what is it about this younger, hotter model that men find so alluring- or at least as a fantasy in their head?
The sugar daddy: I wasn't thinking about finding a younger hotter version of you. I think a lot of men want to get married when they're young, so their first wife is more like a practice wife. They use her, whether consciously or subconsciously, to get a real sense of what they want out of marriage and a wife –and realize the first wife wasn't the woman they were most compatible with and so after the first marriage doesn't work for one reason or another they are more equipped to know what they want in a marriage and a woman the second time around– hence the second wife.
me: well I feel bad for the first wife.
the sugar daddy: it's possible that it's just marriage that the men are getting used to- and realizing that making a marriage work is hard.I think a lot of first marriages fail because both partners have unrealistic expectations of what marriage will be and how much work it really is.
me: so basically- the second wife reaps all the benefits of all the work the first wife put in.
the sugar daddy: they are basically getting a broken in husband.
me: shoes do feel better when they are broken in.
me: so you don't think if we broke up- that you'd ever take a second wife ( cause lord knows I'VE broken you in)?
the sugar daddy: I look at our life as we're still somewhere in the first half of our relationship because so much of it is centered around our kids and their needs and we sublimate most of our needs to fulfill theirs.
me: are you referring to the dance classes and gym and piano lessons we spend our lives shuttling our kids to and from?
the sugar daddy: yes, literally and figuratively– those damn kids can't have any free time…
me: yeah this is not a kid's rant– I want to know why men think second wives will be better than their first wives and why you swear you'll never take a second wife.
The sugar daddy: they have this unwritten list of things that are bad in their lives and with their wives , that, that ideal second woman, they are convinced would rectify.
me: I'm sure you've got a long list on me…
The sugar daddy: I realize no marriage is perfect i love some things about you and i don't love other things. but that second wife would likely have the same list of likes and not likes- so what am i really trading in for- I'm not trading in it's just a sideways move…
me: Wait what about the second wife as a trophy wife?
The sugar daddy: you are my trophy wife
me: aww sweet….it's because I'm young– will I still be your trophy wife when I'm 65 and you're 80?
the sugar daddy: yes, hopefully by then you can keep up with me.
So what's your take on this second wife ideal?
I think the only reason why some men try their hand at the matrimony hustle again is because they’ve reached the Pudding Time and Depends stage in their lives and want to be coddled, cuddled, and taken care of. Not for me, but Whatevs. I think the gent is right when he talks about how the first marriage is like a testing ground. But to me it can also be like Basic Training for the military and I don’t care how strong or tough one could be, no soldier wants to go through that stuff again, so the first marriage might tucker you out a bit and it is beyond me why some men dare to do it unless wife #2 is there to be the caretaker.
I am also younger than my sugar daddy! twelve years to be exact.
I don’t think my husband would replace me either. He would also see it as too much work.