Last night as my son walked off the coach bus, after a week away for his first ever sleep away camp experience well to say I instantly morphed into a hot mess would be an understatement. I’m not sure if it was finally seeing his face after seven days of missing him and simultaneously thinking–“My goodness he is not my little boy”. It’s not like this revelation hit me just yesterday (as my mascara stained cheeks would have you believing) I guess it was just a physical manifestation of how much he has grown and how convicted he is in his pursuits- done with no help from me, that made me realize, that he is his own force, he is his own person and he is no longer a mini extension of me (not that he ever really was but I digress.)
And this year he has said to me that ( just like his 15 year old sister) I now need his approval before posting any pictures of him on any social platform ( and if I do not abide by these rules he will erase any said pictures). And of course I have to respect both of their wishes– I have to treat them both with the same reverence I want to be treated with- but that is something that has always been a constant in our relationship- a mutual respect for one another.
While my son and I share many of the same qualities My daughter and I CANNOT BE MORE DIFFERENT. The funny part is that I thought having a daughter would magically imbue me with a tiny person who mirrored my every action and was essentially my doppleganger in mini form. And my daughter has proven to be none of these things. She is more a mini version of my husband than of me.
Unlike me- my daughter is very pensive- and not at all impulsive. While she is a really happy and good kid- she doesn’t wear her feelings on her sleeve (like I do) and I always tell her she needs to learn to play poker. She is a runner- I am a runner who developed horrible varicose veins which abruptly put an end to my short-lived running distance career. I truly could go on and on– but Like I mentioned- my daughter is FIERCELY private and so- in order to blog about her- I’d have to first get written permission to do so… But I can talk about my experiences as a parent and the 5 things I’ve learned since taking up this post…
#1 Children are not on this earth to be extensions of their parents ( the sooner you can swallow this fact the better off you and your kid will be.)
#2 Children have their own distinct personalities that parents might not always like or agree with- but irregardless our kids DESERVE our respect.
#3 Children don’t always know what is best for them and as a parent it is OKAY if they don’t like you. You need to remember that you are FIRST a parent and second a friend.
#4 children need to be listened to. Whether or not it sounds like drivel– as parents if you listen to the small things– then they will come to you with the BIG THINGS.
#5 children need you to believe in them. Even if they have dreams that seem unattainable, your belief in them will help them to build the kind of self confidence they need to conquer any challenge set before them.
So what has parenting taught you about this monumental experience of raising a human being?
Parenting is a tough gig! One thing I’ve learned is not to look sideways at what all the other parents are doing and instead focus on doing what’s right for our children.
Parenting is the best and toughest job!!
You nailed it with the advice. Love it.
I especially love:
#1 Children are not on this earth to be extensions of their parents ( the sooner you can swallow this fact the better off you and your kid will be.)
I wish more parents knew and understood this one!
These are great tips! You’re a smart woman and you’ll always have a great relationship with your kids
This is a great post. My son is 19 and he has taught me patience. He has always done things at his own pace and time.
I love it! Number 1 absolutely deserved to be at the top of the list. I’ve seen too many parents try to live their dreams through their kids. Let them be who THEY are. <3
I know my son isn’t my extension, but he sure does feel like the representation of me and my parenting. It always make me nervous that he’s on his best behavior.
This is a great post! I’ve made sure that my kids know they can talk to me about anything.
This is so wonderful. Children need our support, our love, and our willingness to let them be themselves. Love it!
All of these are so true. Kids definitely need and want to be listened to, a lot of people don’t realize that one.
So many great tips, but one of my biggest is hearing my kids. We tend to disregard their opinions because they are kids, which is not fair to them.
You’ve learned great things as a parent and I’m sure this will help other parents realize a bunch of things about their kids. I’m all about listening and open communication. I also realized that kids need to feel respected in order to even know how to give respect and that can be a hard one for parents because we feel like they should just know how or know better but we actually lead by example and who them how or else how would they ever know.
I couldn’t agree more! These are all so true, and what I’ve also learned in my last 13 years of being a parent! My kids know and always will know they can come to me to talk to me about any and everything!
Having had a similar breakdown about the seemingly overnight aging of my children, I super love this post! I think finding balance between guiding kids and letting them become their own person is both necessary and important.
Whoo! I would be a mess too if I was away from our son for a week. Although I know it’s coming in the next year or two.
Our son teaches me a lot. I have to remember although he’s physically a six year old, emotionally he’s a lot older and very empathetic to others.
I definitely agree with the things you’ve learned. It really was amazing seeing my kids develop distinct personalities that were very different from my own.
My daughter is about to turn 18, and I couldn’t agree more with these. She’s definitely her own person with her own opinions. Sometimes she’s a tough pill to swallow, but being her mom, we accept and love her anyway 😉
These are some great tips – I can imagine being a parent is so hard but so worth while. x
A great post. I have two 12 year old girls and have learned if I allow them to have some independence and learn a bit on their own, their confidence seems to grow.
This is such a heartfelt and truthful post, and really incredible ways to live by. My son just told me he wants to go to sleep away camp next summer and I’m definitely not ready for it.
I love the one about that’ it’s ok for the kids to not like you. Kids don’t understand everything like adults do and sometimes they need to be forced to do something and then in the future they’ll understand.
I\’m not ready for my little ones to grow up, but I\’m growing up as a parent right along with them. I appreciate that you acknowledge your children\’s independence. It can be hard to do, but it\’s so important for them to know we get they have opinions and wishes.
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These are great lessons. It’s amazing how much I’m learning as my kids are getting older. We have to change together.
I agree 100% with your findings, especially listening. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. As parents we need to listen!
Oh, so much you have learned! I’ve been parenting for 3 years and I have a lot of lessons to learn.
The last part plays a big part in motivating your child when landing a college course or career at the later stages of his or her teen years. There’s just so many things one can learn from being a parent but I think you nailed everything vital.