When I met my husband in July 1997 I think what cemented it for me was the fact that he IMMEDIATELY gave me the key to his apartment. He immediately said, ” I love you. I want to be with you.” When I met him it finally clicked that Being in a Real Relationship Means YOU NEED TO LABEL IT.
For me there were no games, no wondering what he was thinking; were we a couple? were we exclusive? did he want to commit? And with all those unknowns out of the way I could focus on our relationship. And being with him was an investment in our life and in our future. For me Being in a Real Relationship Means YOU NEED TO LABEL IT
Which is why reading The essay No Labels No Drama I realized the reason I always had drama with EVERY guy but my now -husband was because the guy I was with was so wishy washy about our relationship status.
“I’m told my generation will be remembered for our callous commitments and rudimentary romances. We hook up. We sext. We swipe right.
All the while, we avoid labels and try to bury our emotions. We aren’t supposed to want anything serious; not now, anyway. But a void is created when we refrain from telling it like it is, from allowing ourselves to feel how we feel. And in that unoccupied space, we’re dangerously free to create our own realities.”
For me-living with that VOID (which the essayist refers to) was impossible. For me having a label meant having a commitment and when a guy couldn’t give our relationship a label it meant he simply couldn’t commit to me. for me –Being in a Real Relationship Means YOU NEED TO LABEL IT
I loved my friend’s take on this essay which resonated for me as well– the idea that regardless of the labels we put on our relationships- NOTHING is enforceable.
“Almost 3000 years ago, King Solomon wrote in the Book of Ecclesiastes, “…Only that shall happen, which has happened, only that occur, which has occurred; there is nothing new beneath the sun.” And yet, there seems to be a constant flow of magazine articles analyzing how different romance is today now that we have smart phones, computers etc.
The essay No Labels No Drama was written by a 20 year old but it could have been written by a 30 or 40 year old just the same. The article laments how difficult it is to date these days when there are so many more varieties of romantic entanglements than there were in the good old days when everyone just had steady boyfriends and there were none of those text messages and Facebook comments to check in with a lover but not really be present.
“I am 44 and I dated back in the day when we didn’t have cell phones, text messages and Facebook. We none the less, found ways to wink, flirt, play games with each other’s heads and hearts, have secret lovers, unofficial relationships and have romantic misunderstandings. American laws have changed. Adultery is no longer illegal. But the reality is that the romantic commitment between two lovers has never been enforceable and never will be. Each connection is unique. Some last a lifetime. Some fizzle. Some people find deep love early in life and others find it later. Some people never find it. And in between that, there are too many shades of grey to count. Do I wish love were easier and more straightforward? For sure. But over all, what makes love so delicious? The dynamism. The unknown. The way it doesn’t stay the same. The complexity. And the sacred nature of a moment in time shared between two people in privacy exchanging feelings of love and desire for one another. What happens tomorrow? If you are lucky, you get to repeat it.”
So what is your take on Labels and your Relationship- do you need a label to be committed? For me- I NEED THAT LABEL.