When I met my husband in July 1997 I think what cemented it for me was the fact that he IMMEDIATELY gave me the key to his apartment. He immediately said, ” I love you. I want to be with you.” When I met him it finally clicked that Being in a Real Relationship Means YOU NEED TO LABEL IT.
For me there were no games, no wondering what he was thinking; were we a couple? were we exclusive? did he want to commit? And with all those unknowns out of the way I could focus on our relationship. And being with him was an investment in our life and in our future. For me Being in a Real Relationship Means YOU NEED TO LABEL IT
Which is why reading The essay No Labels No Drama I realized the reason I always had drama with EVERY guy but my now -husband was because the guy I was with was so wishy washy about our relationship status.
“I’m told my generation will be remembered for our callous commitments and rudimentary romances. We hook up. We sext. We swipe right.
All the while, we avoid labels and try to bury our emotions. We aren’t supposed to want anything serious; not now, anyway. But a void is created when we refrain from telling it like it is, from allowing ourselves to feel how we feel. And in that unoccupied space, we’re dangerously free to create our own realities.”
For me-living with that VOID (which the essayist refers to) was impossible. For me having a label meant having a commitment and when a guy couldn’t give our relationship a label it meant he simply couldn’t commit to me. for me –Being in a Real Relationship Means YOU NEED TO LABEL IT
I loved my friend’s take on this essay which resonated for me as well– the idea that regardless of the labels we put on our relationships- NOTHING is enforceable.
“Almost 3000 years ago, King Solomon wrote in the Book of Ecclesiastes, “…Only that shall happen, which has happened, only that occur, which has occurred; there is nothing new beneath the sun.” And yet, there seems to be a constant flow of magazine articles analyzing how different romance is today now that we have smart phones, computers etc.
The essay No Labels No Drama was written by a 20 year old but it could have been written by a 30 or 40 year old just the same. The article laments how difficult it is to date these days when there are so many more varieties of romantic entanglements than there were in the good old days when everyone just had steady boyfriends and there were none of those text messages and Facebook comments to check in with a lover but not really be present.
“I am 44 and I dated back in the day when we didn’t have cell phones, text messages and Facebook. We none the less, found ways to wink, flirt, play games with each other’s heads and hearts, have secret lovers, unofficial relationships and have romantic misunderstandings. American laws have changed. Adultery is no longer illegal. But the reality is that the romantic commitment between two lovers has never been enforceable and never will be. Each connection is unique. Some last a lifetime. Some fizzle. Some people find deep love early in life and others find it later. Some people never find it. And in between that, there are too many shades of grey to count. Do I wish love were easier and more straightforward? For sure. But over all, what makes love so delicious? The dynamism. The unknown. The way it doesn’t stay the same. The complexity. And the sacred nature of a moment in time shared between two people in privacy exchanging feelings of love and desire for one another. What happens tomorrow? If you are lucky, you get to repeat it.”
So what is your take on Labels and your Relationship- do you need a label to be committed? For me- I NEED THAT LABEL.
I laugh when I see it’s complicated. Which means nobody is committed and it won’t last. But there will be drama
I personally don’t feel that you need a label to be in a committed relationship. However, I personally require and prefer it.
I am not sure whether I need a label to be in a relationship. To be honest, I can see both sides of this equation. If I had to pick, I would probably pick I would prefer a label lol.
I definitely think that labels are necessary for most relationships. Everyone needs to be in the same boat.
Your story is very similar to mine. We met… we moved in together shortly after and the rest is history. 18 years later and we’re still in love.
I think many people prefer having labels in relationships to really define the status. Otherwise, there will be confusion and denying later on.
Having the label of \”wife\” for 41 years, I am guessing that I want it and like it. Interesting post, lady!
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I don’t think I need a label but I do need commitment. Being in a committed and monogamous relationship is a requirement for me.
It sounds like you guys really knew what you wanted in a relationship from the get go. It’s nice when things click so easily. We were always less traditional about labeling our relationship, and had a non traditional wedding (no guests – it was a planned elopement).
AMEN!! No games!! I am 35 and some of the guys I date I’m just like WHY?? Ugh. Boys.
Having a label is good and to commit yourself 100% to one person and have a relationship is even better. It’s great to have a label though because often not leads to the 2 of them to become confused about what will their relationship be.
I think relationships should have labels and I completely agree with you on why that should be. Having no labels, for me, adds more drama especially when you’re starting to get confused and ask questions. We are committing our time and our emotions to a person, and we deserve a label for that. Otherwise, it’s just a waste of time.
I never thought online dating would work but I met my husband, we chatted and talked on the phone for 6 months and then he came and visited me, we got married and the rest is history. We are now married for 15 years and still pretty much in love with each other.
I love reading other love stories just like yours.
I think you can just be what you are. Happy. That is hard enough to be in our society… so your thing!
YES!!! My relationship with my husband started off similar. He didn’t want to label anything b/c he had been hurt in the past. But to me you cant be committed until you label it!
I think this is something that’s really important. For me, labels are a must when you’re in a relationship where you’re emotionally invested in. It’s something that you just don’t get into when you’re not serious about the person you’re with so why refuse to label it, right?
I really think it depends on the age and where you are in life that determines if you need a lane to feel secure in their relationship. It’s definitely a personal thing
Ah this was interesting to read. And my first time learning about the article “No Label No Drama.” And I have to agree with you and personally do prefer to “label it” so we both know where we stand.
I think having labels is a good idea so that everyone is on the same page. Interesting perspectives on this.
I think as people our brains are made to categorize. So to deny ourselves to understand where something or someone fits seems unnatural. It\’s okay for the labels to change, but I think we need them.
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I feel like everyone is different and what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. But that’s part of being in relationships and finding that person who agrees with you on the big stuff. I like having a husband and I liked having a boyfriend, but I know that no matter the label, all that matters is the love behind them.