I cannot for one minute fathom what Janay Rice is feeling at this very moment. A mixture of pain, sadness, anguish, frustration, anxiety and yes even anger. The fact that her and her ex-NFL husband were outed in a moment that NO ONE should ever have to publicly be forced to share is both humiliating and tragic on so many levels. Humiliating that Janay would allow her self to be put in such a position, and tragic because none of us truly knows anything about her MARRIAGE AND HER CHOICES AND HER CIRCUMSTANCES OTHER THAN THE ASSUMPTIONS WE MAKE ABOUT IT VIA VIEWING THIS TAPE OF HER GETTING BEATEN DOWN BY HER HUSBAND. We have no idea what type of relationship they have, we have no idea if this type of behavior was something they regularly engaged in. If this was a one-time heated burst of physical violence Ray Rice perpetrated. Honestly, none of us can truly be judge or jury, as can any of us say in our own marriage, behind the closed doors of our homes stuff has NOT happened that we would be incredibly ashamed to admit?
I, for one, am ashamed of relationships that I allowed myself to stay in too long- because of reasons that now seems so silly and inconsequential. I’ve also been allowed to bury those bad moments because, unlike Janay, I don’t have physical evidence that they existed. There is one relationship in particular that was incredibly volatile- that I allowed myself to stay in for seven long months. There was no physical violence- it was more emotional torture— convincing me that I was not worth anything without this person. Convincing me that I needed to continue to stay with this person in order to elevate my self-esteem. It was a vicious cycle- bit it was MY VICIOUS CYCLE. It was my experience- and had the world been privy to one of our arguments (like when he took my J-school application and threatened to throw it off his balcony unless I promised not to leave his apartment that night)it would have made the torment, the embarrassment all that much deeper and grater. But I was lucky- none of my relationships have been televised- and I also was not legally bound to this person nor did I have a child with him. These are all things we need to consider when judging Janay and her relationship with her Husband.
Clearly, Janay needs help- she needs courage, and she needs support- but I’m just not sure outing her in this manner and way is going to facilitate that process.
Here is the truth- NONE of us truly knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a marriage. The only two people who have insider knowledge are the ones who are in it, and unless you are in it- you can’t judge. PERIOD. #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft are personal decisions you make every day in your marriage and sometimes people understand and sometimes they don’t.
You’re right. How horrifying to have that video footage being played over and over again. As if living the nightmare isn’t enough. Such a terrible situation.