things I wish someone told me about parenting BIG KIDS is written in partnership with CanvasDiscount.com
When I finally reached the end of my parenting days diapering, securing the cabinets, making sure my kids ate their veggies (Okay STILL working on that one when it comes to my 14 year old and we are making progress this year he added asparagus to his vegetable repertoire which also includes broccoli but I digress) I thought the hard labor part of parenting was behind me. And in a sense that was partly true.
Those initial years of parenting require a Hurculean physical effort; the toting, the sleepless nights, the constant chasing, the potty training- which has me confounded as to how the way past 35 year old Janet Jackson is managing an infant at her advanced maternal age- although she will likely have a boatload of help, whereas most over 35 year old women do not- but that too is a tangential thought, but I think the most difficult and challenging part of this parenting gig comes when your kids get bigger, and braver, and more opinionated and yes more independent.
While my 18 year old daughter is a great kid- there are certainly things I wish someone would've told me about raising kids–that those diaper explosions were the easy part and the messiest parts of parenting would come when I tried to both give my daughter her wings while at the same time I wanted to CLIP THEM.
I guess if I had to come up with 4 things that might have better prepared me for parenting a big kid-(although we all know it impossible to prepare for EVERYTHING) here are what they would be:
#1 The older your kids get- the less they will want to hear YOU TALK, which means you have to actively practice being a good listener. Don't give advice- just LET them talk to you. BY THE WAY: So much easier said than done.
#2 Don't make a BIG DEAL out of things. You have to learn how to keep a low-profile and not make a fuss over any of your child's accolades or “special friendships”. Which of course is slightly difficult being that as a parent you can't help but want to KVELL over your kids' milestones– but alas– you have to learn to keep all your happiness Bottled up until your kid tells you it is OFFICIALLY okay to let the EXCITEMENT FLOW!
#3 The old “I said so,” doesn't hold as much weight as it did when your kids were three and TRULY believed what you said was LAW. By the time they turn around 12 that ship has SAILED.
#4 Be ready for those moments in which your very independent and opinionated big kid will disarm you with their charm and their ability to curl up in your lap, wrap their rather large arms around you and tell you how much they love you ( and DON'T CRY – if it is at all possible to stop that waterworks of tears!)
4 things I wish someone told me about parenting BIG KIDS — that i want to savor and freeze every single moment, that i feel like i have two hearts walking this earth…
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I can relate as my kids are older now too. I agree with all you said here. Especially the listening part. Sometimes it’s hard to stop the instinct of wanting to tell them how and what to do and just hear them.
Hunty, huuuuuuunnnnnnnnttttttttttyyy… my life. A couple of years ago we were profiled on Good Morning America for excessive cell phone use and kids. It was a huge deal my kid was ATTACHED to his phone and his grades were starting to slip. Here we are the kid is about to graduate high school with academic honors and funny how those BIG things weren’t big at all. The kids are alright. *Smile*
This is great advice. My kids are older, so I’ll keep this in mind. I have a 16 and 11 year old. My 11 year old still opens up to me, but my teenager sort of grunts things out. I just tell him I’m there if he ever needs me. Food usually gets him to speak.
I have no children but I adore my nieces and nephews and their parents are saying the same thing. The tables turn once they turn into teens and you’re the one who has to do all the listening and all that! I think you’re doing an amazing job though.
I am not sure I would have wanted someone to tell me what I was in for when my kids got older. When they were babies and toddlers and I was so physically exhausted I would actually beg for 30 minutes of sleep, I am not sure I could have handled hearing that it would be physically easier, but mentally and emotionally exhausting. It might have made me put my head in the oven. I have great kids who aren’t spoiled or (very) mouthy. However, the hormonal-emotional roller coaster combined with their need to push boundaries, assert their independence and yet conversely still need loads of attention that comes with parenting tweens and teens can make a lesser mom crawl into the bathroom with a magazine for 2 hours. I think it would be easier if we lived like hermits on top of a mountain with no social contact, because more crazy/mean/weird/overwrought/annoying crap comes from their peers than you can possibly imagine. And while I would be just fine as the hermit, I know my kids shouldn’t be raised to live like those doomsday fanatics on a reality show. I agree with all your points, just not the cruelty of ‘warning’ mom’s with little kids too far in advance. Haha!
My kids are all grown now and when they were teens I tried to not make a big deal out of everything. I always let them know that they could talk to me about anything. Now that they are adults, we are all great friends and love hanging out.
I don’t have kids but I do know the feeling of being a teen and those years were crazy! It’s good to have parents who would always listen and have your back. I love your tips for parents who are about to deal with teens, they’re definitely in for a ride.