The college pep talk every family needs to hear
Thank you NIRASHA KUMAR for sharing exactly what so many of us are experiencing at this very moment in time!
Nirasha Kumar gives the BEST ADVICE AND puts this whole applying to college experience into perspective.
As the parent of a graduating high school senior I got the best advice about putting it all into perspective from my friend Nirasha who graciously let me share her point of view on my blog.
HER ADVICE FEELS like a balm to my soul and also a punch in the gut to be mindful of what my expectations are versus what my son actually wants. I hope you will read it!
This time of the year is fraught with college applications, rejections, acceptances, and deferrals. As a mom of a senior with skin in the game as we wait patiently (ok, mostly patiently) I want to say this: it’s important to curb your reaction.
I don’t care how much effort you put in, or how much of the $ you will pay, it’s not your decision that’s pending. Firstly allow your senior privacy to digest and process the result. You are owed nothing. This is theirs alone to process and they will let you in when they are ready. Also how you react is being watched by your (still impressionable) child. Trashing other kids, or institutions, is unbecoming behavior.
Schools, like marriage, are not about an individual’s characteristics, but usually about a fit. It’s not personal. It hurts, and that’s normal. A school does not define you, neither does a decision. A little humility and gratitude, no matter which way the decision goes, will pave the way for your child to be happier and grateful for a long time in life. The mental gymnastics paired with the mental anxiety is enough to challenge even the most confident amongst us, so let’s control the things we can. Cocoon your teen and allow them space, comfort, and love.
Let them lead, I promise you they are capable. After all, you’ve been showing them the way for almost 18 years.
You have one job and that is to love them hard! Unconditionally!❤️❤️❤️
I needed to add some final thoughts (for now at least) on the topic:
1). DON’T peak at high school! Falling and failing (and how you handle it) will define success rather than a constant “winning”
2). DON’T place your dreams on your child. You had your chance. You still do!
3). College is NOT the goal of life.
4). NO college is worth $323K. NOPE, not even those!
5). STOP putting down community colleges, trade schools, or NO college. Your elitism is showing!
6). Acknowledge the role of equity in the system. Whether it be test prep, hiring counselors, added classes, paying for AP classes, access to resources, sports (ALL parts of it), legacy, and having college savings itself.
7). STOP trading in their childhood for an early onset adulthood. Except for wine I can’t think of a single benefit of being an adult.
8 ). It bears repeating: a college (and its decision) DOES NOT define you. A dose of humility will serve us all as a community well
9).If you are not discussing mental health you are not paying attention.
10). Teach your child what happiness looks like, so they recognize it. And if you don’t know yourself, take time to learn.
A little secret: MONEY DOES NOT BUY HAPPINESS (yes I’m yelling). Just look at those sad disgruntled billionaires who are still seeking approval in the most atrocious of ways)
***gets off soapbox, and pushes it aside***