So I write this blog, Married My Sugar daddy, and while I see it as a tongue n cheek chronicle of my experiences being married to a man who is 15 years older than me- if I dig a bit beneath the surface I know that our marriage wasn’t an accident by any means. I’ll admit it- I’ve had a “daddy complex” since the ripe old age of sixteen.
It’s not that I didn’t have a father, I did. He was a very loving dad, but having been raised the son of two Holocaust survivors, who I surmise, based on the few sketchy details he’d shared from his childhood, had their own emotional demons to wrestle with and had a difficult time demonstrating their love for him.
And so, when my father had my siblings and me, I think he was emotionally ill-equipped to let us get close to him. I don’t think he was even consciously aware of his emotional distance from us- I believe that it was his normal. His way of expressing love was providing us with food clothing and shelter- just as his parents had with him.
I’m convinced my desire to date older men, stemmed from my need to attain that approval and love from an older man; a surrogate father. I realize now, 18 years into my marriage with my sugar daddy that I wanted to find an older man who would provide me with all the things I felt I had lacked in my relationship with my own dad.
Although I love my husband and have almost no regrets about our relationship- ultimately I want to do everything I possibly can to ensure that my teen daughter feels supported , loved and resolves as many issues with her dad as humanly possible, before choosing a spouse.
Then of course if she wants to marry someone 15 years her senior- I’ll arm her with a laundry list of reasons she might want to reconsider and then give her a big thumbs up.
Jessica @ The Mom Creative says
April 29, 2015 at 3:34 pmSuch a fascinating post about your life and journey Melissa. It is undeniable how our own lives are shaped by the generations who lived before us.
Cas @ Getyourholidayon says
December 2, 2017 at 12:50 pmThis is a powerful message to put out. I think it’s great that you’re ensuring your daughter has the support she needs when it comes her time to looking for a spouse. You sound like a wonderful mom! 🙂
Laura @ MommyDearest says
December 2, 2017 at 12:53 pmFirst of all, I love your blog name. Tongue and Cheek at it’s best. I love how honest you are about your reasons for gravitating towards an older man. It’s very refreshing to read that other couples also are truthful about the “almost no regrets” I find now a days so many people stage their lives for social media and you never get to see the real deal. Thank you for that.
Amber Nelson says
December 2, 2017 at 7:38 pmYes, they need need their dads, even if it is not their biological dad…they need a father figure!
Brianne says
December 2, 2017 at 9:12 pmI really love this post, so real and so raw! I can totally see your point with your Dad. I do think Dad’s back then were very hands off, as my dad was too. I think nowadays things are a little different. Right?
Rebecca Bryant says
December 3, 2017 at 10:21 amwhat a powerful message. Your daughter is lucky to have such a great support system in you. You’re doing an awesome job with her mama.
serena says
December 3, 2017 at 9:24 pmWow, what a great message. What a great support system you are offering to your daughter.
Nailil says
December 3, 2017 at 11:10 pmThis post is a great message. Daughters definitely need their dads.
Erica says
December 4, 2017 at 1:12 amMy father has Aspergerss (high functioning autism) so he could not really show love. And that definitely made it a challenge once I was old enough to date. I married someone fabulous and very emotionally available. But it’s an extra challenge when you start dating if you have unresolved issues with your dad. Glad you’re doing everything possible to help your daughter.
AnnMarie John says
December 4, 2017 at 11:27 amI admire how open you are about this and that shows so much strength. How a parent is as a person will definitely affect how their child grows up, regardless of how much parents deny that.
Libby (Our Play Palace) says
December 4, 2017 at 12:51 pmGreat, loving post. We do have to help our daughters for themselves and to make wise partner choices.
Jack Smith says
January 3, 2018 at 2:39 amYes girls prefer sugar daddy compare to serious relation because there is no emotional commitment between both girl and sugar daddy.
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